Oh my love !

*squish*

In my sleep I sleep a love, that’s brighter than the stars

look how far we’ve come, my baby

(you’re still the one)
you’re still the one I run to
the one that I belong to
you’re still the one I want for life

(you’re still the one)
you’re still the one that I love
the only one I dream of
you’re still the one I kiss good night
you’re still the one

I”m most happy on those really cold, really stormy nights when I can have you here beside me. It’s always as though you will every bad feeling away, and I wake up to a beautiful face and a cloudless blue morning sky… like in a dream.

Happy. =) Just feeling satisfied and comfortable.

Saw so many pretty things today – flowers, clouds, fruits.

I am so strange! =)

Have to go and pei baober to burn midnight oil now…

sharing

I enjoy listening to people share about things that matter to them, like memories, moments, flashbacks, or their own opinions on things, and I always make sure I engage with what they’re saying. They may be rambling, or beating about the bush, but I give them my complete attention as long as I know that they’re being sincere, and not making a fool out of me. That’s usually based on my own judgement of the person and that’s also derived from how well I know him/her.

I realize that whenever I listen, I also look rather intensely at the person speaking and I don’t have much control of myself when it happens. I analyze the facial expressions and gestures. I think I do it because it makes me read them better, like how the look in ones eyes can amplify an emotion that’s expressed through words. And somehow in some way that I cannot explain, the person speaking never ever looks in my direction when talking… until there’s nothing left to say or he/she needs to stop for a while. I probably do the same when I’m talking just that I can’t remember.

I think people look away because it helps them remember memories better, or it allows them space to free their thoughts/gather them and construct them, like into a big mind map. They sort every thought out, and put it in order as they start to speak. They do it so the person listening won’t have such a hard time trying to gather bits of information, and it’s also clearer and easier for themselves.

It could also be a default response to look away when say you take on the role of a story-teller. You sink into your own world as others grapple to make sense of the thought that is private and yours, and that’s magical in some way, though a tad bit selfish. People can only use their imagination to pry into your secrets.

Perhaps they are consumed by the thought such that the only way they can gather themselves to pour their heart out is if they look away. It makes things slightly easier, and I don’t think anyone would feel comfortable being vulnerable and afraid. Or maybe he/she is just shy, and tries to hide the emotion, because one look into the eyes gives everything away, and that might not be what he/she wants.

And imagine different combinations of such possibilities happening while you’re speaking. I mean, I wouldn’t know where to look! And how is listening an easy task anymore? I wonder if this is really the case for some people… or just thoughts from my one track mind.

And I guess that’s why some things are better left private and kept to oneself. Certain things that if said could break loose like animals from the zoo and cause havoc in the land of towering skyscrapers, or represent timed bombs, ticking away, a prelude to disaster. But I never believed in letting one person climb out of his/her private thoughts without help from her surroundings. It’s important for us all to ‘get a grip’ on ourselves when we’re ‘thinking too much’ when we should just well, stop and ‘get over’, but it would be a lot easier if we all had caring and helpful supporters.

I think that we humans are pretty amazing. Our ability to feel, understand and learn makes us practically capable of anything. I’m being optimistic here, of course. It would be nice if everyone could lend a listening ear to more people, and if everyone could learn how to open up and trust people with their thoughts. You could inspire some people with your thoughts, you know?

A part of me has always refused to believe that people have secrets too deep or dark to share. I think if you do good, then you have nothing to hide, and that’s what I think people of our world should be like =)

Nobody

Happppyyyyy

‘Because when you love someone so much, like I love you, there’s only one thing to do…

so, will you…

erm…’

‘marry me?’

=)

You make me feel like the best thing in the world sometimes.

Travelling

I lost count of the number of times I wished I could tell you (when you’re least expecting it) ‘let’s go away on holiday to wherever you want to go, just us, alone with no one else’, and then take your hand and reassure you that everything else can wait, that I’ve made all the plans such that everything falls into place and you don’t need to worry about anything at all. Put our lives in SG on hold and go sightseeing together, eat everything and anything together, learn things together.. anything.

I daydream about it, and these thoughts find their way into my dreams sometimes, but I don’t think it’ll materialize anytime soon. I’ll just have to stay hopeful. I know that it’ll come true eventually and it’s just a matter of when, after all.

Life in SG is nice, but sometimes I wonder what it’ll be like to live abroad. Different location, different weather, different culture (and accent perhaps), different food, different people. A part of me is curious to venture into foreign land and start my life anew, but there’s just so much at home I can’t bear to leave. I think I’d prefer travelling as a source of learning about places and cultures than say settling down permanently somewhere. It’s always more exciting to go on a trip knowing you’d be leaving the place in a matter of time… it makes one appreciate experiences better.

I guess I just love to travel. =)

New mission

There are times when I feel that I really need to listen to a particular song/certain type of music such that it’ll help to calm me when I’m feeling unsettled or it’ll make me happy or make me sad etc. I just need some type of music to make me feel… better, to pull me out of emotions that I allow myself to feel over and over again. Sometimes it’s good but sometimes it’s bad.

It’s also very convenient to store all your favourite music into some place so small and bring it anywhere with you.

So… I want to get an mp3/ipod/anything, a.s.a.p! =D

To the moon and back <3

Past two days were really niiiiceeeeee =)  -looks at baober and smileeeeees-

Got to stay over on thurs night =) and had belgian chocolate ice cream for supper!!! =)

Baober tricked me into sleeping more such that we missed farewell assembly the next day. I was like ‘whaaaat?!’ hahaha. The look must have been priceless. But he did it such that I could have more sleep, so I don’t have any regrets whatsoever =)

He cycled out to buy breakfast for me =D <3 Tummy saviour hehehe

Went to school in the late afternoon – him for basketball, me to prepare for art exhibition.

When I got to the art room, everything looked arranged and ready and we already had guests! And I was still not in art class tee (panic panic panic) Thankfully we managed to get everyone into their respective individualized tees and be humble hosts =)

It was strange at first when guests started to notice that our shirts are all different and have different writings on top and begin to read off our shirts. It’s stranger when it looks like they’re reading your chest. I never stopped to let anyone read mine, haha. /_\

I spent most of the time wondering around and minding my own business. It’s really weird to see people discuss/take photos of your work when you’re standing next to them/behind them and they’ve no idea you did it… the most awkward moment was when I had to explain my work to Jar’s parents and another adult and I could feel my chest contracting, I just couldn’t breathe right. They were the only people I explained my work to throughout the entire exhibition, and I’m comforted that they said really nice things =)

Around 7, A few of us headed down to collect 8 portions of $1 dinner from the canteen for our batch. The balancing acts back to the art room were awesome =D but sadly not many people ate the food. I finished more than 1 person’s portion and we still couldn’t finish all the food… and had to throw everything away x(

Then Joshin and Axel came =)

And then I got real tired from running around with them.

Juniors wrote really sweet notes to all of us! We took tons of weird photos which are all in mr chia’s camera. Oce was the photographer. =) Baober came over after finishing and went to look at our works. I decided to leave first so that we could have dinner together, and his stomach didn’t have to suffer no more! Yummy dumpling and noodles, and my favourite auntie and uncle at the store =)

Decided to stay over AGAIN =) and woke up even later than yesterday I think. Had a lovely day today because I had baober ALL and ENTIRELY to myself mwaheehee! (x I like singing and dancing and every single thing. It’s times like these that I really treasure, and constantly look forward to having. Thank you dear for taking care of me for two whole days you piggy! =D

Well, I’m finally back home (from the moon lalala)! Time for beddie. ^^

listen

Sad Romance by Dang Cap Nhat

Remembering

I’m feeling quite upset. It came so suddenly…

Through out these eighteen years of my life, I have yet to find anyone who shares this strange habit of mine… to remember things exactly as how they were like, from the clothing we were wearing to the looks on our faces and everything else around us at that point in time. I somehow just remember so much detail, so much ‘unnecessary’ detail, that whenever I think back to a memory, I feel as though I am living it again.

But then I try to tell someone who shared the memory with me and they can’t seem to remember, or it’s less clear to them, and inside I feel this disappointment and frustration. It makes me feel so incredibly lonely sometimes because there’s nothing I can do about it…

But a memory will stay a memory. I know there’s no way to live it again. So that’s the only thing that comforts me – memories stay in the past, and won’t interfere with the present and be distorted whatsoever. People who share these memories with me have lived through these times with me and that is what should matter. Even though they can’t remember certain things, I still feel joy when I know they remember the most important, lifechanging moments that may have forged our strong relationships til today.

I wonder if this ’skill’ is a curse or a blessing?

Full speed ahead

It’s time to start this engine going. I no longer want to waste too much time or fuel. It doesn’t mean that I’m throwing certain things out of my life. I’m just putting them aside for now.

As Ms C said, ‘everything else can come later.’

And when you really sit down to think through it, it just makes perfect sense.

So let’s go baby! =) I’ll hold your hand as you hold mine.

Keep faith.

Soothe

To the world you may be one person,
But to one person you may be the world

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket–safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
-C.S. Lewis

Love is not love which alters when alteration finds,
Nor bends with the remover to remove,
No it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken
-W. Shakespeare

It gives me great comfort to be reminded of how I have loving friends and family that will support me through thick and thin, and try to understand even if I’ve made mistakes, done unreasonable things or wronged anyone. Thank you, everyone. Your unconditional support and encouragement means the world to me, and I will carry your smiles in my heart.

I think you’re lovely
- when you speak
- when you walk and skip
- when you’re asleep
- when you’re dazed or thinking about something
- when you’re chewing
- when you blink and blink and blink
- when you smile! and when you laugh
- even when you’re mad at me…
…