Fervent loving

Campfire - taken during our amazing 4-day class camp at Mt Ophir in Malaysia

A flame doesn’t always originate from a spark, or a speck of light. You don’t need friction, energy or heat to generate a fire of great intensity, especially if it’s coming from the heart. It’s warm, passionate, glowing!

It’s alluring too. Heeee.

That’s how people who love alot attract the same type of people. =)

I can imagine myself cupping a ball of fire in my hands – I can manipulate it, change it’s form, toss it, embrace it, let it roll down my shoulders and even eat it in a big gulp ARHM! My imagination may be absurd, but I can picture everything so clearly that it’s all a little too strange.

It doesn’t burn me. It can’t burn me simply because I won’t allow it to. It’s not because my skin’s tougher but because it’s just two elements which complement each other. One doesn’t eat the other up or destroy it’s natural form. I want to be a superhero, gather these skills and energy and control fire. I want to control all the little balls of fire thrown at me/given to me, manipulate, change them and form a large fire ball full of colours. That’s when I’ll close my eyes.

I’ll step into it. Taking little, baby steps, I’ll walk into the fire unafraid.

That’s when my shadow disappears, I have no darkness surrounding me. I’m in light, shining in it’s tight, warm embrace. I wonder how that feels like in my imagination. Comfortable? Safe? I wonder what it’s like to be surrounded entirely by warmth – to be filled and held by it.

Fire is so, so alluring, don’t you think?

Never doubt the power of ones imagination – takes its irresistable toll on you, once in a while. I’ll blog again soon. =)

Edit: I have some pictures to share!!!

While we were resting at check point 6 of Mt Ophir, this little creature fluttered down and nested itself a metre away from me. I was so shocked initially that I just stared at it for a good 5 seconds before grabbing the camera from Wei Tsi’s bag pack. It’s so beautiful!!! I have no idea what’s the name of this species of butterfly (hahaha), but it’s wingspan measures up to 6-7cm – it was really huge! =D Jin, one of our facilitators spotted it again for me after it flew away. Jin has small but sharp eyes!

Right after that, Jin bent down and spotted this little shroom. It’s been stepped out of it’s roots =(, but it’s still full of spores, so hurrah it can reproduce! The black lines on the underside of the mushroom head are actually spores lined up tightly beside one another, filling in the spaces. That’s a whole lot of spores. O_O

I went about scouting for specimens to take and I practically bent my back and stretched my neck all the way towards the forest floor before I spotted this little beauty. It’s a really gorgeous flower, bloomed and ready to conquer the outside word, and right below it is a little bulb which has yet to bloom. It’s so cute! ^^ P.S. The flower grew on the undeside of the leaves.

As we proceeded down the mountain later, Brenda and Yen Yen spotted this red … fruit! I thought it looked fake from afar but as I got closer it could totally pass off as a plastic toy. Amazing! I’ve never seen something so strange in a forest before, and I would have missed it if it wasn’t for their sharp eyes. =D Haha! Looks like some strange plastic vegetable! =)

Dean and gang spotted this little critter scaling around the rocks somewhere near check point 4 as we climbed down the mountain. Woohoo I’ve never seen a specimen this intricate and I can’t even tell if it’s a spider -_-. (!!!) I wonder if it bites heehee and how humans will react to that insect’s bite haha, maybe their skin will turn into a shade of rainbow or something. =D

This was taken back at the resort (which we didn’t stay at haha!). I know, I know, it’s a common flower. But have you seen bougainvillea this big? The petals of the flower are enormous, they measure up to 4-5cm each. I HAD to take this, you can never get such large petals in Singapore!!! The shades really pretty too, it’s so eyecatching in the first place. ^^

Another picture I wanted to take badly was of the night sky, but my camera failed to show the stars clearly, so I won’t be posting up the pitch-black photograph T_T. =) It was amazing. We all spotted Orion’s belt, Orion’s bow, and the big dipper. The ratio of stars at the campsite to those in … Singapore are like 50:1. It was spectacular (you get the picture ^^) ! Pretty dazzlinggg !

09S03C rocks. Seriously everyone of you people rock me upside down inside out. I learnt so much about myself and others, and how we should all put our differences aside. It feels great. You guys really know how to love one another, it’s really quite amazing. I’m touched. ><

On Day 1 we arrived at camp and had a creepy night walk. On Day 2 we trekked up the water fall (sounds amazing, I know hahaha), and absailed down. On Day 3 we climbed Mount Ophir! We came back on Day 4.

The most precious thing happened on Day 4, when I saw you in the canteen. I was blushing, well, I was so warm all over. You gave it to me. I named it after you. I now have a CJ7 toy that has cheeks which light up everytime you squish it’s tummy and the best part is that before it does it goes

” Muuuuuuaaaackkkkkks! …

I love you. =))) “

Fever

Feng’s still ill, Kevy’s beat from class camp and I’m pretty sure many of us are tired from a day of school. Rest well, keep yourself hydrated and remember to eat well! =) And to the two mentioned above, I hope you feel tons better ASAP!

Art class today was rather mindblowing. Drawing a subject made out of metal/shiny surfaces is not an easy feat, but it sure is rather fascinating!

I think so many objects are so fascinating to draw – so much detail and it all changes under new lighting! I feel so inspired to draw many things right now, but it’s a pity I can only draw with one hand. =/

Patience Jia, patience. Keep pushing on and working your hardest and you’ll get there.

Woo!

I want to buy heels.

My tummy has been growling alot more lately, especially during bio lectures. Maybe because it was cold in the theatre? But the aircon didn’t start up til like midway through the lesson haha!

I want to get this shirt I saw at Pull and Bear the other day, as well as this dress I saw at Far East. I hope they won’t be impulsive buys – I’m actually considering if it’s worth buying in the first place. I shall learn to save more money = more food to satisfy the hungry growling tummy. =)

My tummy has been growling alot more lately. I want to eat sushi.

Yesterday I asked a friend whether he wondered how it’d be like to step out from your own shoes and see yourself as others see you, literally. Float into their heads and take a look from their eyes, see yourself laughing, concentrating, singing etc. I really wonder what that looks/feels like, to see yourself as others do literally.

Haha the bright yellow track shoes are doing my feet well! I’m feeling that lightness in every step again and that burst of speed sometimes makes me feel so … excited! Like I can’t wait to get more, and I don’t want to stop moving about (: Adrenaline? Addictive! This totally beats wearing flat converse shoes which have completely no bounce T_T.

Oh, and I know it’s been a while since I’ve been sick yeah, so well, I’m sick again. -Sniff- =/ Bio Mock Spa tomorrow and that calls for preparation but I’m beat and I only want to hit the sack!

Gosh I don’t sound too cheery today huh? Sigh I think it’s the flu/sore throat taking it’s toll on me.

Confession

When I was much, much younger, my granny/father/mother used to pat my butt continuously until I fell asleep everynight. It was so comfortable – I guess it still is.

I know it’s strange that I’m mentioning this now (out of the blue), but I really miss that feeling.

Things I’ll Never Say

So tuition proceeded with a short mugging session at J8 with Feng and Darryl and Mom picked me up for her birthday dinner at Chatterbox, Mandarin! I know what you’re thinking ($$$), but the food isn’t really that excellent. I don’t know why my sister likes it there. =/ I’m so bloated, I feel like a pufferfish squeezed so tightly that I can’t deflate at all.

;(T _ T); <- Hahaha pufferfish!

I actually wrote a long angsty post just now but deleted it a minute after posting. I wonder if anyone saw it (sneaky!!!) before I erased it. It contained so much frustration and anger, you know? It felt like i could literally tear my hair out and I would still have all that strength from all the emotion to cause more physical/emotional pain. Strange – how does that take away any pain at all??? So, I deleted it and told myself I needed honeystars, and I ate some. Not much, but enough to make myself feel better.

I wrote it because I wanted to stand up for a friend. >.<

Avril’s Things I’ll Never Say has been ringing in my head since the start of today! Oh whyyyyy! =/ I know it’s a brilliant song – maybe because I can relate to the lyrics? I believe many people can! Oh but not to all of the lyrics – that would just be absurd wouldn’t it. I shall type down a part of the lyrics below. =D

I’m taking out my hair!
I’m pulllllling at my clothes hehe
I’m trying to keep my cool x)
I know it shows ><
I’m staring at my feet….
My checks are turning red !!!
I’m searching for the words inside my head ~~~

(Cause) I’m feeling nervous -_-
Trying to be so perfect…
Cause I know you’re worth it!
You’re worth it!!
Yeah!!! XD

If I could say what I want to say
I’d say I wanna BLOWWWW you AWAYYYYY
Be with you every night (please?)
Am I squeezing you too tight… (:::
If I could say what I want to see
I wanna see you go down on one knee *hyperventilates*
Marry me today ahhhhh
Yes, I’m wishing my life away…
With these things I’ll never say .

Hee.

I just contradicted myself!

Haha! =D

Guess How Much I Love You

by Sam McBratney, copyright

 

Little Nutbrown Hare, who was going to bed, held on tight to Big Nutbrown Hare’s very long ears. He wanted to be sure that Big Nutbrown Hare was listening.

“Guess how much I love you,” he said.

“Oh, I don’t think I could guess that,” said Big Nutbrown Hare.

“This much,” said Little Nutbrown Hare, stretching out his arms as wide as they could go.

Big Nutbrown Hare had even longer arms. “But I love YOU this much,” he said.

Hmm, that is a lot, thought Little Nutbrown Hare.

“I love you as high as I can reach.” said Little Nutbrown Hare.

“I love you as high as I can reach,” said Big Nutbrown Hare.

That is quite high, thought Little Nutbrown Hare. I wish I had arms like that.

Then Little Nutbrown Hare had a good idea. He tumbled upside down and reached up the tree trunk with his feet.

“I love you all the way up to my toes!” he said.

“And I love you all the way up to your toes,” said Big Nutbrown Hare, swinging him up over his head.

“I love you as high as I can HOP!” laughed Little Nutbrown Hare, bouncing up and down.

“But I love you as high as I can hop,” smiled Big Nutbrown Hare – and he hopped so high that his ears touched the branches above.

That’s good hopping, thought Little Nutbrown Hare. I wish I could hop like that.

“I love you all the way down the lane as far as the river,” cried Little Nutbrown Hare.

“I love you across the river and over the hills,” said Big Nutbrown Hare.

That’s very far, thought Little Nutbrown Hare. He was almost too sleepy to think any more. Then he looked beyond the thorn bushes, out into the big dark night. Nothing could be further than the sky.

“I love you right up to the MOON,” he said, and closed his eyes.

“Oh, that’s far,” said Big Nutbrown Hare. “That is very, very far.”

Big Nutbrown Hare settled Little Nutbrown Hare into his bed of leaves. He leaned over and kissed him good night.

Then he lay down close by and whispered with a smile, “I love you right up to the moon – AND BACK.”

上下不平

Happy Birthday. =)

I suddenly realised that the title has this resemblance to the motion of jumping, which was exactly what Kevy and Lena did most of the time at the Mosh Pit at the front of the PAC in the evening at Rock Steady – Raffles Rock Concert! Woo I joined them only after a long while, but it’s alright I guess some people are important. -Squinches face-

The concert was put up rather well, I like the lights and the sounds of rock music in general, so yay I can be a fan if I’m geared up to be high. It feels strange jumping around in your untucked school blouse and SKIRT before your principal. It really does. T_T 

I liked Nic’s last piece but he should stop singing Hero, haha he was thankful though, and he reminded me that someone was waiting for me outside – which meant alot to me! Got the chance to see Nathan perform again and it’s the first time I’ve seen Shanan with his guitar, awesome!

I learn alot today I think it’s important to think for my own happiness.

Very tired, got to go!

 

Go Macs!

I am sitting in front of a Mac beside Lena and we’re fervently blogging away in the library. 

So lessons yesterday ended at 10.40(for me) and I was completely free after that! I guess that’s why I adore Wednesdays. Lena and I sat in the bus with them to the match at Aljunied and both girl and guy basketball teams did well. (: Hurrah, go Raffles. Wei Xiang was there too, “naiz”-ing at everything that he felt inclined to support – injuries/misses from opponents (how sadistic). 

We rushed back to school to attend the Guitar Concert at the PAC. I liked Hiok’s piece, and the piece by Lee Roy. I didn’t bring the booklet home so I’ll just have to figure out the songs. Go me. T_T -Throws confetti- Lena changed out from school U and was all dazzling. (: 

Headed home after that, and then Feng and I sat outside my place finishing my mom’s homemade Kong Ba Bao and Cup Noodles before he went off! Supper is delightful, and it brings painful stomach churning mornings. T_T 

Lessons ended at 12.30 today and I exercised a little before coming here. I’m going to go blog hopping now. (: 

_______________________________________________________________ A line! 

I’ve always found drawing straight lines difficult. Have you seen how some people who can draw straight lines swiftly without the need of a ruler? I think it’s amazing! I have never been able to draw a straight line say more than 3cm? It’s quite pathetic, but my fascination for people who can makes me so inclined to keep trying. I’ve never succeeded once though, but maybe I’ll get there soon. 

Hee, just wanted to say that the weather was really fine today and I’m hungry. 

=| 

Edit: I forgot to mention something rather important. A word of advice to you, my dear, and all other friends who are reading – Treasure your friends. Treasure the people you had (it’s possible), treasure the friends / those angels you HAVE, and constantly remind yourself to treasure the things you will have, because once you lose them, sometimes you don’t ever get them back, and some things really aren’t worth losing. If you’re regretting right now…, well I hope you finally learn something. 

You can choose to be angry, command for attention etc, but we’re human, she’s human, she has her limits too. you can’t expect everyone to bounce back and give in, not when you’ve already pushed us too far, so, so many times. Be reasonable, be sensitive. This should be obvious enough that I’m referring to you. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Some injuries hurt harder than others, and some memories we’ll never want to forget, however saddening.  

Really was a big mistake. 

It really wasn’t worth losing someone my dear, not someone this precious to you. 

Edit again: Woohoo I’ve got pictures to share.

Guitar’s encore performance which was the spongebob theme song and the plushie stoning on the seat is really adorable hahaha. -starry eyed- I want a spongebob for myself. =)

This is a close up of a cucumber slice I snatched from Feng’s plate during dinner. He didn’t want to finish it anyway, so while I took a bite into it I realized how exotic the colours were. Couldn’t resist taking a capture, it’s actually very pretty. I’m sorry my monster teeth devoured a section of it. T_T

Dessert today was strawberry ice with icecream.

yarrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm. =D

I liked the little umbrella. Heh, stuck it into my hair after that.

Something’s wrong with the picture, can you spot the mistake?

I know. I couldn’t believe it either.

You don’t get things like this everyday.

Editting yet again:

!!!

This is available at JUZZZ at The Cathay.

It lights up, blushes, and says three special words. Ah!

I think Cupid just shot an arrow, I want this sooo baddd. =(

Colourful World

So Bio Prac today was the usual cell plasmolysis experiment, only that I finally remembered to incorporate the special trick a friend taught me – taking photographs of the images seen through the microscope. Simple yet fascinating! A few classmates were snapping away during the lesson as well. =)

Plasmolysed cells from the spinach specimen at a higher magnification. Gosh isn’t the colour alluring? I think it’s very, very attractive! XD How do you seperate Hot Pink from fushcia when they both look so alike anyway?!

This got me realizing how small everything is, no matter how big they are. Small particles stick together to form something giant and there’s weight, mass and an entire creation! If there isn’t God, there must be some super natural force holding all these particles together. Everything “simple” is complicated and everything “complicated” can sometimes be simple to understand! Am I making sense?

Woo Bio’s a pretty subject, I’ve no regrets. (((((::::::

Heehee the flowers in school are gorgeous. ^_^

Walked about with Feng later on as I took photographs of flowers and many other er, eye-catching objects. Enough with Ixoras, sunflowers and the common types, I want new, rare species of flowers queueing up in the pursuit to be discovered (but not plucked)! This is such an amazing adventure in itself. It was so sunny so the colours appeared completely natural as well.

Art today was interesting and alot less taxing. I can’t describe what we did in words because Mr. Chia used such scientific terms which I haven’t a clue how to pronounce/spell. It was fun anyhow, I liked today’s class. =)

The scary light in the Lab in the Art Room today. Mwahaha.

Random little things which remind you how adorable life can be:

Favourite CJ7 and bonky wonky cookie monster. RAWR beware of their wrath. >=D

I’m so tired I could sleep right now – plops chin onto table and snores -

ZORZORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! XD

I wish!

Before anything, big hugs go out to those who responded via comment or otherwise and gave me their love! The world was bright and it will only get brighter with all of you. (:

Okay, today was filled with many many ups and downs. I can’t blame it on PMS because that’s too foul an excuse, thus I can conclude that I woke up on the wrong side of bed (which is also a very lousy excuse so please excuse me!) I’m just being random here, please bear with me before my thoughts settle down, then I’ll blog proper.

Okay, breathe.

Today was rather tormenting. I lost my temper in the morning, bad me. Mrs Tui reported that she couldn’t find my Membranes Tutorial homework which I remembered handing in with the rest of the class. Mrs Tui said that my skirt is still too short after altering (I bought 3 new skirts by the way), but it’s alright I will unfold one more to match up to her standards. I felt sick during Bio lecture and couldn’t help but doze off. :/ I was more lost than a camel in the sahara desert during econs tutorial, and I think Ms Lio actually thinks that I’m managing quite alright. I was struggling with the aircon in the art room after school trying to complete the assignment with my art friends, and it was cold, oh so cold.

Well, other than the above, today was quite a good day actually! I spent some time with Oce during her lunch block and we talked about random things. Kevy and Lena were present in the art room to hear me rant and be all girly and demanding, I am very thankful for that! I got to eat my favourite Kaya Toast!!! P.S. If you have $1 to spare and I’m present in the canteen, won’t you just help me buy my kaya toast for me please? They always run out so fast!!!Basketball A div boys pwned SAJC 51-35, and Feng scored 27 points hee that’s rather impressive. Wished I was there though. =( But oh well. =) Recieved a big hug all the way home yay I enjoy feeling squished!

I want to see you happy!
I want to see you, you and you happy!
I want to see everyone in the whole wide world happy, no more tears, no more complaints, enough with the lies and backstabbing, let’s all join hands, smile, and be happy.

I wish!

Forgive me, I couldn’t resist !

Teddy bear lies on soft food cushion

Hello kitty toast!

Eating brilliantly presented art pieces of food increases IQ!!!?

I really adore the detail in this!

Watermelon art. : O

One day, I shall be the ruler of all cute food art. =D

Bwahahaha, I shall learn how to prepare food like this.

‘Student from Germany’

I recieved a ‘different-from-usual’ comment today. The screen shot’s below.

I was shocked when I first saw it, but my roller coaster of emotions died down after a while. Some questions floating about in my head initially were 1) Who is this person? 2) Why is she typing this? 3) Why should I care? It’s the first time I’m recieving something like an anonymous flame comment. I didn’t have a clue how to answer any of those questions, but I took it better than I thought I would have. 

I’m not really good at frisbee – I’m not naturally talented; I can’t throw well, but I don’t entirely suck at it. I’m aware of my capabilities and the skills I lack, and I don’t just mean this in a small scope of frisbee or sports.

I don’t know where to start on explaining my manner of blogging. Well, firstly, this is my outlet. If I know that I’m blogging with the purest of intentions, that’s good enough for me. Even if no one else understands, God and I do, and that’s enough for me.

Don’t, and by don’t I mean NEVER talk about my friends like that when you don’t even know them well in the first place. I admit that I am affected when others voice such disaheartening opinions about me, but I am even more so when you target my friends. You know better than I do that you have no reason to do so – don’t be so childish.

Careful though, Words can sting or make a person’s day. Next time before you decide to post something along the lines of insulting, think twice, maybe? One thing’s for sure though, I know I’m better off, with better company, leading a better life – I will never lower myself to do something like you have. It doesn’t represent well of you.

I hope, really hope that you learn from this, like I have. It stung though, and I didn’t brush it aside like a friend told me to even though it would have hurt alot less. I read it repeatedly over and over again, and it got me thinking quite abit as you can tell. This is something worth remembering, but I wouldn’t want to recieve something along the same lines again.

This experience made me remember how dad once told me that as long as your intentions are clear, and you’ve got your heart in your head, you know you can’t go wrong.

I will emerge from the nest to be stronger.

Mmhmm!

Thank you friends who were there for me. =)

Speaking about Dad, I miss him terribly. I think he’s coming home in a week or so…

Edit: I also lost my wallet today, and I don’t ever want to lose it again because it contained something very precious sigh. ><

Moments

Wide blank eyes which carry my soul, i like the lashes which flutter, the long thick lashes – how unsuitably long for someone of your gender, I always say. Pupils that I see myself in, giving the same blank stare back. Sometimes I try to read myself from there and I wonder if you do the same.

Your wide eyes, that piercing stare that eats away my thoughts. I find myself lost again, lost for words, lost for thoughts, lost of feelings? Mirth fills me in a moment, and then I catch you smiling at me.

“Why are you smiling?”

Your smile spreads wider between your cheeks as they become round little squishy balls. I want very much to pinch them but that would spoil the moment.

“Why are you smiling? …” I repeat.

“Dough-no!”

“…”

And then in a split second of movement I can’t see your eyes anymore because I’ve closed mine. And then you’re wondering what happens next? Well, it really depends. Sometimes you carry on looking (which means I haven’t closed them) and (do you know how it feels when…) you feel a sense of connection – you understand what each other wants and this only lasts for something like 3 seconds (?) before well, something else happens.
-
Not making much sense.

Ah, that’s why it’s personal!

Get together with the best

This post is entitled such because of that catchy tune from SCV that replays itself over and over again at least 3 times an hour. It is getting annoying!!! I’m stuck at home on a saturday evening breezing through time.

I finished half a packet of honeystars (it’s not that jaw-dropping amazing actually), and I’m craving for warm milk. My body is becoming a little wonky, craving for such strange things. I want pineapple tarts too but I’ll have to wait til CNY next year haha!

ORA in the morning was quite an eye opener. I bought like 20-30 bucks worth of food items from juniors/batch mates who pressurized me and wouldn’t let me off if I didn’t get anything. Talk about ‘good’ service! Emotional black mailing and threatening doesn’t come under ‘persuasive advertising skills’ I think! Oh well, I had fun and the food was scrumptious anyway, so I’m not complaining too much am I? ^^

Caught Definitely, Maybe at J8 later on. Sometimes I feel like the lead male actor, constantly finding myself caught amongst webs of commitment and love. They intertwine and become a horrid mess, but eventually the light at the end of the tunnel will appear – that’s when I can smile myself to sleep everyday, when the images in my head are beautiful, and I’m always optimistic. I shall strive to attain that optimism, will you join me? =)

This should have been in the first paragraph! – I have to thank my classmates and schoolmates who noticed how unwell I was on Friday, and actually helped me and comforted me (Especially miss YYY yang yen yen who sat by me through econs lecture), school bag loads of thanks and love! I’m so fortunate to have such caring company. Sore little things/wounds always, always heal. I will recover and become strong (yes!) once again.

I’m going to be totally random here:

last year regret hope origin bottle butterflies seagulls drinking soda crying milkshakes holding cups candles carousels thinking breathing dying loving camera memories snap shot kill joy economics homework striving optimism A levels do swell PW rocks GP vignesh fake jumps trampoline swimming club class advocate advocado similar strange teddy love chocolate boats merrill climbing pokemon splash photoshop kingdom hearts silver gold black ironed out flat secrets reveal die die die poverty taking advantage girls pain remembering creasing hurting necklace gold unfoiled criss cross waffles cherry garcia sucks frisbee wednesdays class no them yes crash course winner jazz rock concert right on !

Baby, do you know what’s on my mind?

Ahhhh!!!

Biology lecture test tomorrow!

…

Sniff. T_T