I quit.

I’ve made a decision today, and it’s final, I think.

Even if I don’t really decide to quit in real life just yet, I’ve already made the decision deep down inside and my conscience knows better than I do that I should do so soon. It would be better for everyone, and myself too maybe.

I’ve had quite enough of a bunch of people I don’t even know well judging me and pricking me behind my back. Now that the truth has been revealed, I no longer wish to be part of this exclusive bunch. I can’t emphasize how much I’ve been bothered and hurt by this (not only recently), and I’ve already silently put up with this nonsense for a couple of months. It was okay at first, and I just chose to brush these emotions aside but I guess this is it, you have all pushed me too far.

It’s just sooner or later…

I’ve had it with all of you.

Your warm hugs

I feel much better now.

=)

I really needed someone to listen so I talked to Feng and while sharing my feelings with(/for xP) him, I remembered just now how we debated on whether he should still send me home because it was pouring, and how he still insisted stubbornly to in the end. It was really sweet, because we were both so tired and drowsy from a long day in school and our eyes just kept bolting about in random directions and our eyelids were going to drop anytime etc, and right then and there I realized how kind and caring he was to make sure I get home safely even when he’s so, so, soooo tired. He’s eyes were soooo pinky-red. =( Keeping me warm on the bus while struggling with his own tiredness must have worn him out so badly too. I shall make sure he sleeps earlier tonight, just like how he makes sure that I sleep earlier tonight. x_x

This reminds me of how you offer to carry my bag/bottle/file all the time, how you make sure I eat the best part of everything that we eat (ahh this makes me feel really guilty all the time), and how you sheltered me with yourself as we walked underneath the rain just now…

I don’t know… I guess somethings just really make your day, huh? =)

Support the productions at the Amphitheatre tomrorow, wed and friday by lit students in celebration of Lit Week! Go watch their plays during lunch hours, they have good actors and enthusiastic actresses. =)

Sweet Thoughts

Because I can’t get the video onto WP, you’ll have to click here to see it. =)

Train – When I Look To The Sky
lyrics:
When it rains it pours and opens doors
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry
And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love
That have to say goodbye

And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that won’t seem to let me go

Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you’re here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I’m lost something tells me you’re here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here

And every word I didn’t say that caught up in some busy day
And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn’t have before
And every sunset that we’ll miss I’ll wrap them all up in a kiss
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away

And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that I hope will never leave

Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead
Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly
But with you I can spread my wings
to see me over everything that life may send me
When I am hoping it won’t pass me by

And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me
there you are to show me

Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you’re here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I’m lost something tells me you’re here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here [X2]
—

Forgive me, but please let me gushhhh.

I’ve yet to blog properly about… us. ^^ Well, actually I have, I always do, but I just want to do it all over again. It’s hard to describe this feeling, the fiery pulse that erupts in my cheeks whenever I see you, it makes me go AKJKASAJ!!! and even more AJKSJKAJSHA!!! when I can’t do anything to you in school because well, we’re in school! And if only we could go out of school, because then I could, well, you know heeheehee=D! ^^ and you make me feel like my head is going to explode sometimes I just giggle and giggle non-stop and deliberately show the expression = O.O which you would immitate and that just keeps me going for a long while. You’re very cute. ^^ Cuteeeeee!!!! Heehee ^^

I know it’s strange to say this but you’re like a … driving force. That special someone that pushes me to do things I never knew I could accomplish or feel, and that’s amazing. Sometimes I feel like I’ve outdone myself, and been at both the highest and lowest points in my life and then you come by and I kinda drop down dead and wake up in heaven? ^^… I dont know… sometimes when I lay on your bed after an afternoon nap and ask you if you were staring at me sleep and you said yes I just feel this embarrassment and shyness ^^ whiiiiiiich doesn’t leave until very very long later because well, you said yes!!! x/// Not that I don’t lookat you sleep in your DEEP DEEP SLUMBER ^_^ but I think you look much more adorable when you do. =) It’s like knowing I’m here, underneath your sheets beside you ^^” hee shy, and time’s spinning by it’s just amazing it’s very sensual hahaha very real I have you beside me I don’t need to worry if I’m cold – your body’s like a warm blanket and I’m cozy, sleepy, and my eyelids are dropping and I’masleep … in your arms. It’s my … the place I want to be all the time, and I’ve been there too many times, just lying there, but it feels so much inside! it feels like.. I can do it all over again, like I had the choice to go some place else but I said no I want to stay, and it was the best decision yet.. and… I’m here with you. It’s just perfect I’m here with you.

The june holidays were perfect. I spent everyday with ^^… everyday!.. it was like a wake up and immediately you knew where you were going to go, what you were going to do, and it didn’t even need planning, you just wake up to an sms that goes ‘good morning dear, are you awake? I miss you, do you miss me? =(’ and you smile it’s so early, the day has already been made perfect before it began and I’m off to aljunied or he’s coming to bukit timah in just 20mins (that, I still cannot believe, but gosh), and then it’s just bliss, and bliss covered with more bliss and weird hyper moments hahaha ^^” HEE. I’m learning every minute, learning to be a better person to feel the feelings as raw as they are felt at the first moment and yes! ^^ This is what I want, this is what I’ve always wanted to be concerned, naturally to be selfless to be humble, to know what you did was right, and you would do it again, for that one person, you just would be willing to give your everything because… well, feng you’re worth it! ^_^

You’re like the push factor that drives me to school everyday =) I’ve had you for … months, and a full month of June until now and I want you every single day now. It’s weird I’ve never felt so attached like now but I think the independant me has grown dependant on reassurance, love, pampering and attention and I’ve become alot less me than I thought I would be, which has made me to become even more me than before. and oh BOY you’re so amazing ! ^^ Can’t say when I’ll ever stop because well, I don’t ever want to! And it drives me mad I don’t want to stay up all night thinking of you (who am I kidding, but I know that), sleeps important too! =D Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

It’s just.. you know…^^ haha.. that thing that makes you smile, beam, hyperventilate… who has made you feel like you’re really standing on top of the world? When i’m ill, when I’m pmsing, when I’m throwing tantrums, being strange, being annoyingly loud and hyper, I just… I just want to thank you for always being there, you’ve taught me alot in such a short time I feel like I’ve known you for centuries ahead. Sometimes I sit alone at home and think – well, is what I’m doing enough? I’m much more humble, much more selfless, much more optimistic, and I want to be this way for a long time, I want to feel the same way like I do now, ^_^ I have you and you’re amazing to me!!!

Having you everyday is just… not enough.
I want to have you not everyday, but all the time.
All. The. Time. )))::: !!!

I want all the time!!! >:

My sweet honey covered toffee candy. ^^ ^_^
The love of my life? =)
My zheng feng… ^_^
Don’t you ever forget your worth darling! =D

Hee. Darling. ^^
Darling. =)
Darling~~~~

Everyday is a miracle

More about today:

1. Feng came to Bukit Timah in the afternoon to eat homecooked stir-fried egg noodles with fish cake and taiwanese sausage. I like this recipe now! xD

2. Went to school to have PW meeting which was rather productive, but Gautham wasn’t here to do any hippy hoppy rapping and so the mood was =_=. But like I said, productive!

3. Feng accompanied me all the way to Ang Mo Kio and got me onto the bus which would take me to the restaurant. That’s so sweet of him ><, reached there just when the meal was starting. Wished Granny happy birthday and then settled in between my two cousins.

4. After the cake and celebration, mum drove to Bishan to pick up a pastor and her three little boys (9, 6, 3 years old respectively) and now they’re staying at our place. They occupy my sister’s and my room tonight, and will be leaving to Penang tomorrow night. Awesome, they’ve been ‘travelling’ around Asia for a month already. =D

Names
Mother: Vivien
9 year old: Namiah
6 year old: Nathan
3 year old: Neyum

ALL Ns!

I am obsessed with the smallest boy, he has that ‘teh’ in his voice that makes him sound like a soft toy, and he has the strangest habits – like repeating after adults, sticking out his tongue when he’s saying bye, and smiling at random objects. CUTE. =) They all have an accent because they grew up in the US too.

5. Wish that I could have spent more time with Feng today, and I miss the Nas. =/

Some other random things:

1. I’ve set up a new blog!

2. I’m hooked onto making jewellery again, and I’ll be selling them to raise funds for the church.

3. 14 friends have asked to purchase the keychains – Thank You so much guys! =D Your contributions go a looooooooooong waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! ^^

4. I don’t want to go to school tomorrow. =D

Happy Birthday Grandma!

It says ‘Happy Birthday Grandma’ in scribbles of purple and white cream! =)

It’s my Granny’s 79th birthday today! Our family of about 20+ heads had a large 9 course dinner just now at a restaurant at Ang Mo Kio and it wasn’t as filling as I thought it would be because I’m still a little hungry right now. =/

Granny’s still so radiant, such a blossom. =)

Happy birthday, Nai-Nai! =D

I think words can’t express how much I really respect her. She’s been through situations we people can never imagine ourselves in, and she’s never said anything rude, done anything out of anger or selfishness, and she’s just someone who’s so humble and loving and giving. All. The. Time. I’d be kidding myself if I said I don’t feel like she’s perfect, because she is in many ways. She’s a classic example of a 24/7- loving grandmother who wants the best for everyone around her, even if it might sometimes be to her disadvantage.

She’s my role model…

Granny’s my role model. =)

Greenleaf Road

Yipee yaiiii yaiiiii hello world! XD

Woke up on the right side of bed today and felt adventurous enough to try a new recipe! 

I made the traditional sugary french toast and proceeded to bake little mango-blueberry cream cakes with biscuit/cake base. It took me like 1hr to complete the cakes and as it was my first time making mango cakes with base, I was having a little too much fun while experimenting on different decorations and dropped a piece onto the floor. O_O What a waste! … Oh well, results! xD

Yay success! ^^ The designs remind me of butterflies.

Took a few photographs and packed them into little containers before I left the house. Cabbed to Cine and met feng there, nicely dressed and looking so meep and all heehee, then he ate the stuffies (he liked it alot haha shyyyy…) ^^ and I was beaming inside, lalala ^^ !!! Will cook even more, yes.

we proceeded to eat KFC (gluttons we are) and then to catch Wanted! It’s an awesome show and if you’re a fan of action shows with all the blood shed and assassination, you should totally catch it. It made me go ‘eeeeeeepp!!!’ at some parts but that just shows how great it is at making girls like me jump haha feng was laughing hmpf I will get back at you!!! >=( Ahaha I’m only joking, he was like protecting me during all the gory scenes… er… I am such a softie. -_-

Anyway! He liked the show alot so you should go catch it! (=

Hee we walked about Cine for some time before going back to his place to get a ride to Greenleaf Road which is at 6 avenue (which is near to my place) to his aunt’s place for dinner. Through out the ride I was commenting on how the clouds were so amazing and yeah they truly are!

So complicated and bizarrrrrrrrre.

Her house is pretty neat – pool, ceilings that reach to the heavens, bbq pit and funky art pieces. The first thing we noticed when we went over was that feng’s younger cousins were already in the pool and that her jack russells are so cuuuutttteee. <3_<3 Meet Uno and Jack! Jack’s Uno’s son. Uno is a girl! Can you guess which is Jack and which is Uno? =D

Jack is the little hyperactive boy in the blue leash. So you know which is Uno, as well as the identity of the other cutie in the pictures. Woops! Didn’t mean to be cheeky. *3* – whistles-

We had a really fun time playing with them, and Jack is surprisingly active and attention seeking!!! Everytime we stroked Uno, he would butt in and try to get our attention. I guess this is because he is much younger, and like any child, he loves having attention and he knows his mom wouldn’t mind him butting in. =D Cute!!!

We also played with their one and only bunny, who owned practically the entire plot of land outside the house which consisted of the garden plants, the patch of grass and everything else. It was big, lumpy and FAT. =) I like!

While the food was being prepared, we played with feng’s baby cousin. =D

Another picture with two cute babies. WOOPS. It just slipped like that, I swear!!! =)))

Haha doesn’t her stone look just want to make you cooodddllleeee her? Aww it’s so adorable! You do understand why parents say ‘goo ba duu duu yaaa yaaa’ when they talk to their children right? They just can’t help it! And that’s why children take so long to pronounce words as… words. xD Hahaha.

Dinner was scrumptious. Steak, sausages, potato salad. Everything was western, and you’ll soon understand why. Before cutting the cake, Feng and I proceeded upstairs for a little TV and some time to use the com. It was a nice short period of time just sitting on the cozy sofa. =D

Happy 6th birthday Rian! =)

He’s a mix.

*Gasp*

Pretty!!! ^_^

After cutting the cake and feasting on it piece after piece after pieces, feng and I ended up duelling each other to Wiisports bowling/tennis and a game along the lines of cute Mario characters battling each other in cart racing. It was fun, and such an exercise. O_O I was losing most of the time, but I don’t mind la. He let me win though. =D

Sat his uncle’s car home and they dropped me right outside the front gate of my house!!! I was so paiseh, but happy, and then we had to say goodbye. =(

Today was really quite a special day, and a very romantic one as well. =)

I thank God for today you.

Friends

It’s not just about having close friends, but about having friends whom you can click with, and are always sincere. They may quarrel, scold or interfere with your life, but they have good reasons to do so, and for that you are blessed.

I find it rather easy to talk to closer friends about absolutely anything… even revealing to them my deepest, darkest secrets (sometimes). I think that it’s important I have them as pillars of strength, and I find myself rather fortunate that I’m willing to open up, and that they’re always willing to listen/help/give advice.

Friends can be amazing people. I miss you guys. That’s why we should hold on tightly and never have to regret anything.

My CTs end today. Bio was… aha.

Feng was <333! ^^

Raising Funds

Glory Joy Christian Church (Sembawang) is raising funds to build our new church site, and we aim to collect more than $3000 by next month from just the sale of hand-made crafts and other products.

Here’s my contribution to the project! I’m selling some hand-made keychains at $10-$13 and necklaces at $22+ (price range is due to the different designs and materials used to make products). You can see some of the more popular designs below. =)

Mama’s my manager. =D

Edit: As someone had asked me about other available designs, I’d just like to say that these are currently the designs available as they are deliberately made easy for fast and efficient production in bulk. =) The colours available for keychains are red, blue, black, white, teal, purple, pink, magenta and I have nearly 50+ to sell so you don’t have to worry if they’ll run out. If the colour you want isn’t available anymore, I’ll make one for you. =)

Contact me if you’re interested in buying any of these. Your contributions will go a long way in helping a bunch of 200+ people have a more comfortable place to worship and give thanks. =) I also assure that all products are hand-made, durable, and pretty! =3

谢谢！^^

Phonecalls

When I curl up beneath the sheets and hug the pillow tightly, I can almost feel you near. It’s strange how we’re next to each other in school, but yet so far from being anyway close, because we’re simply not allowed to. Hee, you’re sneaky though. >< They say don’t do this and don’t do that, but I say,

do it and don’t get caught.

xD

It already feels like the end of CTs!!! Hahaha, cooking breakfast for feng the past few days have been enjoyable, and I need more of it. =) I don’t know why! I just feel rather relaxed with the whole mid-year examination and daily cooking sprees. I like this feeling quite alot. =)

Can’t wait for the parties to come. Lookiiiiinnnnnnn’ forward to it! =D

(:

大家要起加油哦！

^_^

I know it’s strange but I don’t feel like it’s the exams at all - probably because I don’t feel prepared for it, like it’s actually not happening for real (I won’t be disillusional forever, don’t you worry), and because I haven’t found any reason to feel upset about the exams yet because I’ve been recieving more love and more hugs. ^_^

We’re all in this together! La~ la~ laaaaa !

Butterfly happiness!

Just wanted to share some recent captures of two butterflies which I spotted in Bishan sometime in the last two weeks, and a quote about happiness which I still remember.

Species: Zizula hylax pygmea (Pygmy Grass Blue)
It is the smallest butterfly found in Malaysia and Singapore!!! It’s average wingspan measures up to 8-11mm. That’s so amazing, and it was really difficult to capture because it moved every 1 second or so. T_T

Species: Junonia hedonia ida (Chocolate Pansy)
This one is very common, and simply easy to capture as it basked in the sunlight. x) Edit: Oce says it’s a moth because moths rest with their wings flapped down, unlike butterflies. Strange, the sites said this species was a butterfly… -_- Okay fine, a type of butterfly. xD

“Happiness is a butterfly which, when pursues, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne.

Butterflies can be so beautiful! And the quote still makes alot of sense to me.

How about you? =)

Persistency

There has been numerous times in life when I sat in bed and filled my mind with thoughts of how the day had been, what I would like to do, what there is to look forward to etc. I’m still rather amazed at how I seldom question my purpose of things I do or say, and somehow things just end up the way i wish it to turn out, most of the time. It’s quite a relief, but perhaps I should learn to be a little more careful of myself. I don’t ever want to fall into a pit and never crawl out, or get stuck in a lift with massive jaws that won’t open even for the troop of firemen. 

I guess it’s all in the instincts, when you feel you should do it, you do it, and you don’t question if it’s right or wrong – if your instincts tell you yes, then go for it. Then again, I’m not stupid, so I know the few things Papa always reminds me never to do or else I might ruin my own life, and then it will no longer be a laughing matter then. 

Where will I be ten years from here? I don’t want to be in prison. =)

Art was gah, econs was blah, but life’s so much more than that. =) You wake up every morning and you’re greeted by the sun, which shines for you and lights up the day until evening and that’s when you return home, have a hearty meal and then after a little hard work, lie on the bed which cradles you into deep slumber. 

If my eyes weren’t so tired now from the lack of sleep yesterday (I was having dreams, brr!), I might just be emitting rays which shout ‘The world is beautiful!’ to everyone I see. Wouldn’t it be great if it could spread like an infectious disease through out the universe? xD

Love flowers in the state of deprivation- a description of Francisco de Goya’s rarely tender work and a clear description of what I felt until I met you again.

Goodluck!

Hey, thanks for all your smses! ^^

All the best for CTs! =D

I’ll always be here with you no matter what happens.

=)

Whispers:

你会想我吗？

Missing

Blue October – Calling you

Theres something that i can’t quite explain
i’m so in love with you
you’ll never take that away

and if i said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more
you never take that away

well expect me to be
calling you to see
if you’re ok when i’m not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile

well i will keep calling you to see
if you’re sleepin are you dreamin and
if you’re dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked me

i thought that the world had lost its sway
(its so hard sometimes)
then i fell in love with you
(then came you)
and you took that away
(its not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)
you take away the old
show me the new
and i feel like i can fly
when i stand next to you
so what if I’m on this phone
a hundred miles from home
i take the words you gave
and send them back to you

i only want to see
if you’re ok when i’m not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile

i will keep calling you to see
if you’re sleepin are you dreamin and
if you’re dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked me

well i will keep calling you to see
if you’re sleepin are you dreamin and
if you’re dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked…
i will keep calling you to see
if you’re sleepin are you dreamin and
if you’re dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked…

….me.

=)

It sounds so obscure to me but I like this. Do have a listen. =)