You > computer

Just in case you sometimes wonder why I leave you in the room and come out to use the computer for such long periods…

It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, or to be next to you, or anything like that for the matter. I surf, I read, I blog, but I also spend alone time thinking about you, writing about you in places you can’t see – the way you look everytime you say something and you mean it, you look so sincere, or the way you look when you’re just about to burst into an array of laughter. Everything. Possibly anything about you.

It’s never because I want you to feel alone, okie? <3

Please always remember that I love you more than anything else in this world.

Abundance of happiness (^)_(^)

I am your ai ai =D

I’m using the computer at bao bao’s place now, and the weather is so hot! (Ah and it’s not cause of anyone, I swear!) (x

I realize that I actually don’t blog much on happenings through the days anymore, unless it was crucial or life-changing. I think it’s because I favour sharing my thoughts about certain things over describing events through the day. It just seems redundant, as though there’s nothing better to blog about. Perhaps this is an indication of change? Or maybe it’s because I’ll just sound the same everyday because my life’s kind of filled by the same surroundings and objects all the time, love, friends, cute/adorable/sweet things (this is to get back at everyone who suans me HMPF ^^) But I guess nobody will mind if I write like a love-sick fool. =)

Okie! ^_^

There’s really a whole lot of things to give thanks for everyday. =) So let’s rewind and go all the way to the holidays!

The one week holiday was lovely! I got to spend time with bao bao from morning til night every single day watching tv, buying food back, playing basketball, just hanging around etc etc =)  (sticky like nobody’s business sia) and got to stay over on certain days too, and it was nice and so sweet ^^ It was also the hardcore mugging week, and it was nice to see my beloved work hard for a cause that he knows he won’t regret. Felt so inspired to work harder too because we would spur each other on together.

I burned out quite a couple of times through the week, and it was great that he was understanding and constantly tried to make me feel better, and I did after numerous nice big hugs and encouraging words, and that was just great for me! Thank you dear, for being so patient and loving on all days and especially on the day before math ^^”. You’re the bomb! BAO ZHA YOU ^_^

CTs week was actually almost exactly like the march holidays, because we got to see each other 24/7 minus sleeping time, which rocked, but then that eventually became a major distraction for me. =3

It was a hard week for both of us, but harder for bao bao. =( He had to juggle competitions and exams on the same week and it wasn’t just one match in the span of one week, it was 3. THREE. So after GP, Chem and Physics papers, on Mon, Wed and Fri respectively, his teammates and him had to bus down to SBA for the match later in the afternoon.  What nonsense right!!!

I felt that they should have be excused, or at least allowed to take the exams on another day because it’s just so draining. T_T!!! But bao bao said he wanted to press on and just do his best in both fields. He actually had the option to not take CTs but he didn’t and all of his team mates pressed on as well. I’m actually really proud of him *_*, and everyone’s hard work too, but just very heart ache. =( Ah, huggie. But so STRONG. YAY STRONG BAO BAO! ^^

I still remember that both of us couldn’t sleep well on the night before GP because of the long long nap in the afternoon, so we woke up feeling very groggy and just floated through the day. Dear used a super pro sentence in his essay that just left me ::::::::O , my eyes were all over like that!

The highlight was after Art, when Lena, Yubo and I were at J8 that I realized dear was only midway through the game (I thought that they be in the 4th quarter after my test), so I cabbed down all the way to SBA, and ran in like a xiao gi na and plomped myself down to watch amongst the crowd of spectators – It was RJ vs HC, what’d you expect? It was a good match, though they lost by 5 points, but I thought they played well – and it also shows something – that it’s not impossible to beat even the strongest team. Press on guys! =)

I didn’t have any tests on Wed, so I cooked in the morning for my da fei bao =D. Cooking is such a good way to relieve stress, I realized. Tons of Red Snappers, Salmon chunks with lettuce and herbed potatoes. Correct that, EASY cooking is such a good way to relieve stress. There was just nothing fanciful about the dish, and yet it tasted pretty darn amazing – I will be doing this again, but next time with mushroom soup for appretizers! ^^ I am starting to believe that I do have an affinity with pots and pans and knives and food, perhaps I shall become a professional food taster? ^^ HAHA, just kidding! I was thinking of becoming a part time chef. =) Who knows. The results so far seem very promising! =)

So I managed to catch the first and second matches on Mon and Wed but didn’t manage to watch the match on Friday because of Bio, and today, because of class. They emerged victorious in 3/4 matches, and will progress to the semis yay!!! ^^ Though I wasn’t there to witness 2 matches, I got first hand information from one of the players =D (unknown, mysterious player…haha my love =)), who just told me how he thought today’s match was exciting. I still remember Ms Lio gesturing to me that they won the match while I was in my Econs class just now and I couldn’t understand what she was saying… until I realized and then I waved my hands around and made funny noises in a sudden madness and disrupted the class - Ms chuah walked over to Ms Lio’s class to complain about her inteference hahaha, I felt so horrible! Q_Q

Okay, now to last weekend. Over the two days, I visited nai nai at the hospital (plan on blogging more about that soon), came to zf’s house for dinner which was super yummy as usual that it wouldn’t be surprising that I put on weight just by eating his saturday dinners, searched for the slum dog millionaire disc and gave up finding it, watched tons of tv, ate more junkfood, played and had fun blowing tummies, played our DSes, cut hair together, shopped and more fun ^^!

So actually when you think about it, my days are pretty much filled by ONE major heart throb, who is you, yes you, you.

* ^_^ *

The end. =D

Adam Lambert’s voice

It’s unregrettable, so please go listen to it, I promise you’ll be rewinding to hear him sing again. =) Click on the pic!  

Tracks of my tears
People say I’m the life of the party
Because I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I’m blue
So take a good look at my face
You’ll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it’s easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..

Outside I’m masquerading
Inside my hope is fading
Just a clown oh yeah
Since you put me down
My smile is my make up
I wear since my break up with you..
Baby, baby, baby…
take a good look at my face
You’ll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it’s easy to trace
The tracks of my tears

Oooo,
I need you, I need you
I need you

* * * * * * * * * *

What talent. =) And smokey is such a brilliant song writer, you must agree to that too. Thanks mei for introducing this song to me, I’ve got the hots for it too ^^

At laaaaaaaaasssssssstttt

-Breathes-

That kind of makes me feel like I’ve been holding my breath for a week already, under water.

CTs are over, but that doesn’t mean As have come and gone (if only right! haha). I guess this ‘getting used to’ is harder than it seems as time passes by. I remember burning out quite a few times through this week, just stoning at patches of green and wondering what goes on in me when I eat a scoop of icecream (don’t ask)… I guess what I’m trying to say is that I could have behaved better, and practiced more self control, but I failed. To me, the grades won’t be a representation of my standard, they’re more like a representation of how much this amount of effort will bring me, so I can gauge how much more I have to put in to get my desired grade. Which I find extremely positive, for some reason, minusing the experience of burning out a couple of times. But oh well! It doesn’t mean that studying has to become a habit, neither does it have to be a burden. It can be enjoyable too, with the right mindset and diligence. I also don’t believe that it is overrated that hard work pays off, because it truly does. With a hint of luck, of course. (: So even if you don’t get the grade you desired, be thankful that you’ve got more time to improve, and make sure you do exactly that too. Jiayou everyone! (:

* * * * * * * * * *

You know, they say when you think back, memories flood into your mind uncontrollaby. They’re right, they do come flooding into your mind, but they missed out the fact that they also bang through the gates right to your pulsing heart. It’s also hard to hold up a sign, and cut off the running tape to evade a bad memory. It’s never something you can control – funny how something so intagible (or is it?) can be so overwhelming. Even though a part of you may wish it never happened/ or that it could turn out differently, another part of you cherishes it, always.

You may not know it (ever, and that I feel very apologetic for), you still mean every single bit to me like you did back then.

Every memory, and every story, however bitter sweet or deranged, has it’s place in a small heart, just like all the rest.

In my small heart.

* * * * * * * * * *

Are we born as a person, or are we really cradled to become the people who see as ourselves? The answer may be obvious at first, but that’s just only because you aren’t thinking hard enough. What about your subconscious mind, where has it led you to? If you can feel with your conscious mind, what makes you think you can’t with the unconscious? Who else can then say what is tangible but you yourself? It really isn’t that complicate, it’s just difficult to pin point exactly what’s real and what’s not because we commonly associate something that’s amplified in comparison to another to be more real, but what if we stopped all the comparisons, and just peeled off our skins and truly be embracing to feel, just feel and not let our biasness decide. What then is unreal? Nothing. Isn’t that the right way? How much then, is too much?

* * * * * * * * * *

I’m being general here, like how general transcription factors are completely different from specific transcription factors, because they’re well, general, and not specific (duh). Point brought across? …Good. I apologize for the spam on biology terms, they’ve kinda, should I say, ‘caught on’. -looks around to see weird stares-

So anyway. . . .

I thought about it.
I thought hard about it.
Very hard.

But I felt even more.
…
And so,
despite how everyone says love will die, or love will fade or bla bla bla,
I disagree.

I do believe that if love ever does fade, or disintegrate into nothing,
then,
it is not love, it was never love, won’t ever be, forever,
and why can’t love fade? You ask?
Because love is not an emotion, simple as that.

I’ve never stopped loving,
not once, and
I don’t plan to ever,
and even if I ‘loved you back then’, the truth is that I still love you right at this very instant.
The variable or the difference is just how much…
and this might be all too cliche for the general public, too strange, too personal
but at least I know it’s true
but I’d like to know if this is wrong in anyway?

And I’m talking about this in a general way, of people that I love in my life.

* * * * * * * * * *

Went for learning journey today which was at Sinema, which is near to Dhoby. Was quite happy to realize that the long row of steps next to the condo near Plaza Singup which I once thought led to no where actually led to the place! What a discovery ^^. I know a good route there now too! Arty Farty things also made my day, it’s always cool to live in the atmosphere. ‘The Carrot Cake Conversations’,  was pretty inspiring in some ways, but a little too cliche at some points… I kind of wished they would only have locals on the show, but ah well. It was a good experience, could have been better. Mm.

I still haven’t gotten my fix of char kway teow RARRR!!! =(

* * * * * * * * * *

Going to spend more time with my Nainai from today onwards I promise.

Mm hmm!

* * * * * * * * * *

I’m having the entire of tomorrow OFF! That means I’ll be living in a different reality: No tuition, no work, complete access to my own personal space and fixes, so I’m kind of looking forward to it. I can visit my grandma again too. =) After tomorrow, everything will slowly revert back. Right now all I want to do is crawl into bed, …

before a short fix of harvest moon on my DS!!! ^^

Hi will you scratch my back for me?

Can anyone please enlighten me… is there any quick way of mastering the art of back scratching?

(:

Even though this is more closely associated to animal behaviour, I personally feel that it is an extremely tender gesture. <3

Mueck vs Quinn

My 5 cents worth about two artists: Though his works leave me feeling as though I just plunged into a pool of slime, I realize that Ron Mueck is amazing. What a way of analysing and thinking, what uniqueness, how did he manage all this? If only Marc Quinn could impact me the same way – right now he just seems like he does half the work Mueck does, and gets the same credit.

Will blog more when CTs are over, or actually at anytime when I deserve a good break  - but I highly doubt that I do anytime soon. All the best everyone, give you best alright? =)

Big smile small eyes C:

Today marks the first day that my organizer fails to be efficient, because I simply have too many things to attend to and places to be at. It’s as though my thoughts are perpetually disorganized and seeing as a day has only 24 hours, minus sleeping time and eating time and travelling time, … That’s not much time for anything else O_O. I am worried. /_\

Nainai went to SGH to replace some ’bone’ or thingy at her knee with a metal support to help her walk better. Mum told me that she woke up an hour after and has been alright since. The doctors gave her painkillers… I wonder if that’s necessary seeing that she’s such a strong, tough woman. She’s really inspiring in that sense.  I’m going to visit her later and I’ve no idea what to get! EXCITED!!! ^^ I actually couldn’t really concentrate on studying the whole of yesterday because I was worried about her condition and because I’m feeling so excited about it, I fear it may be the same today. But I believe studying on the table next to her won’t be a distraction..

Feng has been a good boy. I have been a good girl too. I used to wonder how is it possible to concentrate on studying when you’re always surrounded by distractions (I’m not saying what or who exactly xD), but I’ve realized that it’s possible, and it actually helps to spur both of us on to study harder, and it keeps life interesting, and happy because you’re near. (: The presence of this encouragement has helped me deal with a great amount of pressure from anything and everything too. I’m not a very logical person, which means I need guidance some 24/7, so this is a blessing in disguise. Your logical, down to earth nature has been great help, I can’t thank you enough for keeping my feet on the ground. Therefore you are my gravity, dear. =)

You are gravity -> hence a pulling force -> indicating attraction -> I move towards you (duh!) xD Ahahaa (:

But it IS true that when I need a direction, you point it out to me and somehow, strangely enough, it always leads me back to you. -jump huggie!-

I guess when my vision gets shaded by all the clouds in the sky, only you can pull me back down into this world so that we can face reality together. And the tender-loving gestures are something that I guess I can’t live without.

Will you guide me forever? =)

L I F E !

I realize that I realize many things everyday -this is in response to the many (aka allll my) posts that have sentences which start with ‘I realize’. I realize (there I go again… ladeedumdee =x) that in a way it makes me sound like a child, a really young and inexperienced one who appears to have a need to always reemphasize that she has learnt or felt something new everyday. Naturally. It’s almost like an action-reaction kind of effect – it’s immediate that I want to share this realization, and when I’m not blogging, I’m either jotting it down in my journal, or saving it into my inbox so that I can put it down permanently into a space somewhere later. And then I can compile it.

 And so I’ve realized that it’s always better to ’realize’ than to dismiss everything new and/or unordinary to you. Life is a discovery, and the voyage til the end of the world will only be more interesting if I allow myself to be overwhelmed by even the slightest amazements or disappointments, and thus this shall be something I will take with me. I used to sit and ponder over why some things happen, why they turn out in a particular way, and now I understand that by asking why, I was actually attacking it with my own opinions. When I step back, and look at the big picture, many things become clearer, and I understand better. The requirements are simple though difficult to follow: No questions should be asked; Open your mind and your heart and ‘realize’, and I can assure you that it is rewarding. 

Think about it! If you’re open minded, you allow yourself to be exposed to well, almost everything! And it doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to be exposed to different things everyday for you to learn or realize something, you kind of just sit back and live life as it is. I’m quite sure that everyone’s bound to find something interesting everyday, like perhaps the way ink leaks out from a pen? Well I guess that wouldn’t appeal to many… , what about how rain drips down a window pane? Or how the scene outside your place changes right after a shower (it’s not just the rain! Look around!)? Maybe it’s just me and how I see things that some people might find hard to understand, but I’m certain that life can be soooo interesting!

And if you don’t believe me, I WILL prove it to you! In the name of life itself, I will! I probably resemble a tiny little ant screaming it’s lungs out to get the attention of that big shoe that’s going to land on top of me any moment (eeeks), but I have elephant guts (!!!), and I believe that life IS amazing, and that people are amazing because of how we are so capabled to feel and to create (and not to mention destroy) and learn, and think. And it is this that makes me love life and almost everything spiritual. I don’t know about you, but if I had a choice to become a floating spirit, I just might! I find joy in the idea of a floating figure that does not need to worry about anything materialistic or superficial that is just plain unnecessary and just live life and celebrate it.

I’ve just realized that I might just resemble my mom in that sense.

And I really don’t ever want this to stop. It reminds me about how beautiful life is, and how we should be thankful that we have a life to live, things to do for ourselves and for others. This positivity makes me feel like I have wings… I guess I do love this feeling.

Celebrate life. =)

Surprise me

I realized that life sometimes gets so bogged down in details, you forget you are living it. You get so caught up with whatever you’re doing (for whatever reason), and you realize only after stopping that the time has already left you. There is always another appointment to be met, another essay to complete, another place to be right now… we have existed in minutes, and completely forgotten to step back and see what we’ve already accomplished in the present.

*

I love the feeling when a memory washes over me, and I feel every bit of the familiar sensations that I felt back then. I wonder what the world will be like if people didn’t have memories, or if memories couldn’t make us feel ourselves in them.

**

I realized that when you’re made someone in your life become a ‘habit’, they kind of become the little note book that you’ve stuffed into your bag everyday, dog-eared and the pages all creased. It’s like a trail you recognize so well you could draw it by heart, and for this very reason keep it with you through out your life journey. It’s played such a big part in your memories; he becomes your memories. And yet one day when you open your eyes and you experience an unfamiliar scene, you have to stop and wonder if maybe this isn’t new at all, but rather something you have missed all along.

You can never let anyone become a ‘habit’ because then he will never surprise you, or you’ll never expect to be surprised. Wouldn’t life then be such a bore?

***

My camera (has finally) died. It can’t focus unless I’m really, really lucky, … so here’s evidence of the blurriness.

(alongside with all the cuteness and everything -drools- =D)

Time to get a new one! Any recommendations? Or I’ll just go for one with super high mp =) !

And I’m finally home, after so many days =)…

Facebook Surveys (:

This is just one out of the many that I’m completing on facebook right now! (:

Survey number one: Titled as ‘40% boyish, 100% girlish – I don’t trust them either!!!’
MY BOY SIDE
[x] You love hoodies
[ ] You love jeans
[ ] Dogs are better than cats
[ ] Its hilarious when people get hurt
[x] You’ve played with boys on a team
[ ] Shopping is torture
[ ] Sad movies suck
[x] You own a XBOX (brother but I’ve played a little!)
[ ] You played with Hot Wheels as a little kid
[ ] At some point in your life you wanted to be a firefighter
[x] You own a DS PS2 or SEGA (DS and PSP ^^)
[ ] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
[ ] You watch sports on TV (only soccer, tennis and basketball when I’m interested =P)
[ ] Gory movies are cool (wthell no!!!)
[x] Sometimes you go to your dad for advice
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball hats
[x] You used to/do collect pokemon
[ ] Baggy sweat pants are nice to wear
[ ] Its kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
[x] Green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favourite colours (silver)
[x] Sports are fun
[x] You sometimes talk with food in your mouth
[ ] You sleep at night with your socks on
[x] You have fished at least once
TOTAL= 10

MY GIRL SIDE
[x] You like to shop (!!!!!!!)
[x] You wear eyeliner
[x] You wear the color pink
[x] Sometimes you go to your mum for advice
[x] You consider cheerleading a sport
[x] You hate wearing all black (i used to love wearing all black )
[x] You like going to the mall
[x] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures
[x] You like wearing jewelery
[x] You cried watching The Notebook (cried 3 times)
[x] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe (does 1.3 count)
[x] Shopping is one of your favourite hobbies
[x] You’ve seen Star Wars and don”t like some of it (I don’t UNDERSTAND some of it)
[x] You do/did gymnastics (primary school! I can still do a split! )
[x] It takes you around one hour to shower and get dressed (they say it increases with age … =P)
[x] You smile a lot more than you should (according to soe people)
[x] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes
[x] You care about what you look like majority of the time
[x] You like wearing dresses whenever you can
[x] You like dancing/do dancing
[x] You like high heel shoes (but I prefer flats)
[x] You used to play with dolls as a kid (I had this fascination for blonde hair… so I would cut it off)
[x] You like putting makeup on others (more than on myself =P)
[x] You like being the star of almost everything (honestly who doesn’t)
[x] Pink is one of your favourite colours
TOTAL= 25

Now multiply by 4 to get your percentage
Boyish: 10 x 4 = 40%
Girlish: 25 x 4 = 100%

This is a fun way to start (:

Heeeeeeeyeeaaaaahhhh =D

My days have been more (: and ^^ and =) recently. Hee (:

Reminders to do before next saturday:
1. Return kevy (math whiz alert) her pro pro vectors answers
2. Get feng’s jeans altered
3. Make one appointment for the both of us =D
4. Bloat our four piggies more and never let them starve! (:
5. Finish revising for everything by friday -crosses fingers- yeeha
6. Get new socks for the both of us
7. Go for a hair cut (he said ‘with me?’ so softly as I typed this and it’s so cute!!! yes,) with you (((:
8. Eat boon tong kee and potato chips at least once, please ): I miss them. (: Yay! Feed me feed me FEED ME!!! =O <- Throw the food into here!!! (:

Happiest thing is probably the fact that I’m not going home today =D
And studying is becoming an addiction… I’m not going to give it up anytime soon.

Yay for us, ‘(^(oo)^)’, let’s jia you!!! (:

My little love song + happy birthday yun :)

If I had the voice of angels I would sing to you ….

…

If I had all the riches of the world I would give all to you

………

If I had a heart so free of misery, I would give my love to you

………………

Oh if I had – all the most beautiful things in the world…

(but I don’t always)

I will still…

looooveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

yyyyooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu~ !!!

I was singing as I was typing that. Oh gosh so embarrassing! =/

*

Today is also my sister’s birthday, and we had dinner at Sushi Tei. Good food ^^ I love jap food because of the sashimi and tempura and the delicious shabu shabu and lobster (lalala we didn’t have any today /_\, stop giving me the evil eye! xP)

and (just in case you thought I’d digress away,)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUN!!! =)

I know that you read this. =)

You’re finally fourteen! Usually they’d go ‘oh you’re sexy sixteen’ or ‘you’re funky fifteen!’ but since I said ‘finally’… I guess finally fourteen is the phrase for you! =D

You are FINALLY fourteen! ^^

All I can say is treasure your friendships, your youth and all that hyperness and energy. Live and breathe in your own way and find something you’re really compassionate about and fall in love with it over and over again. =) And I hope that you’ll keep the pretty magnet lime green-hot pink notebook and beautiful origami paper (so chio!) close to your heart heh. (: Use it however you wish to! And stay optimistic always.

I’m quite sure you will be a faaaaaaantastic fourteener for the next year to come! c:

Rang dam :)

Everytime I whip my camera out, she goes into hiding. ‘Nah, I’ll ruin the picture!’… I wish I had the guts to tell her that even though age has taken its toll on her, she is still very beautiful in my eyes. It’s true when they say inner beauty just simply radiates from a good person. It’s something you won’t understand when you’re younger, so I’m glad I’m maturing in this sense. (: Beautiful personalities do form beautiful people. I strive to have a beautiful heart.

*

So how did you fall in love with her? (: Don’t have the guts to ask you that in person, but you have amazing taste. (:

>:(

If you were standing right in front of me right now, I would step on your toes and kill you.

How can you be so selfish?

A memory

I cried while I was observing him. Did anyone of you notice – his eyes were pink. Maybe it’s because I sitting right in front of him, so I could see his body shake as the words came spilling out of his throat. And I could feel it too, the emotion. There was just so much emotion, and I was so hurt, so so hurt for him, hurt for them. The thoughts weren’t mine but I felt compelled to do something to ensure the same thing won’t happen to us, but then I look at myself and at the pace I’m going and I feel helpless. I mean, the scenario before that was embarrassing, I humiliated myself. It felt like I had barely anything to feel good about my work, I should have felt this way last year, not now because there is just so much more to do. But I believe that it isn’t too late… that I can still push on, and quicken my pace, and just simply do well enough not to disappoint others and myself. 

I wanted to walk up to him and tell him that I was sorry, and I wish so much that he has a space where he can spill out all that regret and emotion into, and wash it all away.