Whee =)

I’m so tired from all the action and activities today. I feel like my eye balls could pop out from their sockets and just disintegrate into ash.

Long school day + excursion trip to (“who’s the best?”)VJC to check out their art pieces. Today happened to be their open house too, and the atmosphere was high and fun and their mass dance is really cute. I mean, dancing on the roof?! Woo! Sooooo superrrr tired, tired, tired!!! And the activities don’t just stop after today. The entire weekend is packed with things and I don’t know if that’s good or bad =).

One thing I’m so happy about is that I’m staying over at your house (yay! ^^), and there’s always yummy food lying around and the best company heehee =). Spent the last few hours talking, and I felt really… zen, like I found peace in my heart. I looooove that feeling. It’s been nice just spending quality time talking about things that matter to us and playing games together. Really thankful for that dear. =)

Baober’s been obsessed about pet society recently, and vows that he will catch all the fishes from the fishing application for me one way or another. I don’t know how to feel about that actually, cause I rather he be revising his work than spending time… fishing… but I think it’s really sweet that you want to make me happy =) =) =). The fishes are all so cute hahaha! In a way this makes it mean even more to me cause we share all the experiences together. Ours, for us, love. =)

It’s time for bed! We ought to make it a habit to sleep earlier. >=)

Toodles! =)

Burping queen :D

I absolutely love wednesdays!

School ended real early today, and since baober only has one lesson in the morning which is pretty insane, I got to see him during my free blocks and after that. Big smileeee =D!

We had lunch at MFM at J8 and the food and service rules! =D Went there previously with him and his team mates and we shared a seafood platter for two, so today we decided to try the dishes from the student menu.

After ordering, the waitress told us that the food will take a while because the student packages only start at 2pm and it was around 1.45pm at that time. They served the soup first, and then a basket of fries which we didn’t order … and I found out that it was complementary! They gave it to us for free because we needed to wait for our main courses. =)

So sweet right? =D

I felt really happy because that meant that I didn’t have to worry whether baober had enough to eat. I always worry about that, so I often make meals for him. I mean, what if the food portion doesn’t resemble the picture in the menu? And he doesn’t have enough to eat? And he sure does have an appetite being a pig and all ahaha. I won’t tolerate a hungry man! I think having a good hearty appetite is important in every guy because it makes you big, healthy and strong ^^, so I always make it a point to make sure baober eats well.

We ended up so bloated and full from the starchy main courses, soup, fries and coke float that I wondered to myself why I had worried in the first place. Things always sort themselves out, one way or another.

The rest of the day was spent studying, napping, and spending time. =) We were both producing really stinky burps (me) and smelly farts (him) ahaha! Baober thinks it’s lunch that caused the stinky releases and I agree! The cream and fried foods do play a part, I guess.

We played pet society for a little while at night and I think that I can officially conclude that baober enjoys fishing. He REALLY enjoys fishing. I mean, it’s all we’ve been doing for a really long time already! And he wants to catch all the fish in the world for me =) aww!, which I think explains why he’s logged onto my account at this time and is using the application…

It’s time to chase the pig to bed!!!

A softer world

in your eyes.

paint my love,

you should paint my love

it’s the picture of a thousand sunsets

it’s the freedom of

a  thousand d o v e s

baby, you should paint my love

I would fly

to the moon and back

if you’ll be

if you’ll be my baby

got a ticket

for a world where we belong

so would you be my baby

<=)

when you look me in the eyes

tell me that you love me

everything’s alright

when you’re right here by my side

when you look me in the eyes

I catch a glimpse of heaven

I find my paradise -

when you look me in the eyes

fly me to the moon

let me sing among those stars

(^o^)/*

let me see what spring is like

on jupiter and mars

in other words, hold my hand

(^-^)o~   o(^.^)

in other words, kiss me

(^3^)

!fill my heart with song!

let me sing forever more

you are all I long for

all I worship and adore

in other words, please be true

in other words

i looove youuuu ~

Miracle

The lead splits as it hits the ground, sounding it’s death.. while he stands before you.

He is a drawing that has come to life! An ideal that you imagined on one of those hot sunny mornings when it is too warm to do anything but create sketches in your mind…

“I want to hold you.”

He doesn’t respond.

You lead him to your studio and quickly shut the door.

You start slapping on masses of clay and mould the contours of his physique. It’s a little disturbing when it gets to the parts where you’re unfamiliar with, but other than that everything’s going swell. It’s hard work, and you choose to work with your fingers because it’ll be nice to leave your mark on his skin. A little poke here, a pinch or pull (ouch!) there, and viola, he’s perfect.

You hold him real tightly (*squeeeeeze*), and can’t help but shriek in delight at your own craftsmanship. Your shirt drips with wet clay as you pull yourself away…

But wait, something’s missing. He’s still not responding much.

“Say something!”

“…”

He needs personality! You can’t let a mass of a man be as still and quiet as a rock. It’s not what you want, yet.

“Wait here.”

You run to the kitchen, your eyes and nose leading you through cupboards of herbs, spices and fragrances. You emerge from the hunt carrying a picnic basket filled with things you’d never put together for any recipe – it would be a horrendous disaster.

A mix of every flavour would be decent, because that makes him unpredictable. Some light and aromatic, others deep and pungent, these smells that fill the air as you sprinkle it all over him, the same way you’d decorate cup cakes with icing sugar. He lights up in a glow, which indicates a response and starts making funny faces at you – first elated, then mad, then drowsy because he’s bored.

That makes just one last thing left to do.

You scurry up the ladder to the attic with a torch and rummage through boxes of dust and dirt and hidden treasures. It’s up here, somewhere, you know it. When you first see it, it is the bright crimson red that strikes your memory and steals the air from your lungs. With a push of a switch, a sheer brightness extends across your face. This is it.

You make you way back to him.

You tell him it will hurt, but that everything will be okay.

‘Close your eyes.’

On the count of three, you stuff it right into the chamber of his chest as he leaks out a gasp, and you quickly seal the hole. You touch the spot where you put it through and instead of a coldness, you feel warmth. It heats up more and more as little leaks of steam push through his pores and his body glows. His breathing accelerates. The shine fades after a while as he returns back to his pale, peachy tone and all that is left are his cheeks that blush a dark cherry red.

He smiles, and you gasp.

‘Hey.’

It is as though he came right out of a fairytale, out of a dream too deep to dive into, and that makes him a miracle.

o(^O^)o <- throw food here

Baober’s leg is wrapped up in a cast now. =/

We visited the therapist at noon to get his ankle checked and rubbed and fixed. It’s my second time accompanying him to the therapist, and it was as scary as the first time. The therapist didn’t look like he was using much force as he rubbed the ankle, but the look on baober’s face as he winced in pain shows how traumatic the experience is. It was scary even to watch. Thankfully, the doctor’s really nice! He talked to us through out the ‘massage’ and helped to break the ice and distract baober from the pain. He is his saviour, after all. =)

After that, we went to eat at Botak Jones! =) *Gasp*

It’s my first time!

Fat lil mustard that amused us heheheh =)

Dear had a Massive 5 inch U-crazy-or-what?! burger!

I had Cajun chicken with two side dishes of spicy fries and mozzarella potatoes!

The pictures really don’t do the food any justice. =x Go try it for yourself! =)

Everything was really delicious, filling and sinful, but it’s a good first experience. Mm hmm! Next time I’m here, I want to try Fish and Chips or anything as yummy! =) Baober ate til he couldn’t eat no more, and I had to finish the last bit of his burger for him ^^” but I don’t blame him, because the massive series carries the BIGGEST BURGERS I’ve ever seen in the country. I mean, I used to think that Carl’s Junior held the record for biggest burgers in singapore but I was wrong! Botak Jones wins hands down. =)

Here’s a list of food stuff that I would like to indulge in soon:
- Carl’s Junior beef chili cheese fries!
- Nachos with cheese/salsa
- Strawberry cheesecake ice cream from Hagen Daaz!
- Frozen strawberries/blueberries/durians!
- The 4 new Pringle’s flavours (shrimp etc)
- Smoked salmon with cream cheese toasted sandwich
- Tiramisu cake =)
- Shangri La The Line buffet for the 3rd time this year (this is crazy!!!???) to satisfy baober’s craving for oysters, which are eewy bleh “>bleh bleh bleh pui “>pui pui pui
- Fat man 包 and glutinous rice
- Old chang kee curry puffs and sotong balls (wa!!!)
- Some good baked cheese macaroni/other pasta
- Pomelo. The craving started from the mooncake celebration and it will Never, Ever, End. . O_O
- right now: A big fat PEACH MMMM

o(^O^)o

‘You were/are the love of my life’

My day started at 12pm when I woke up, realized mom had set the alarm to 1pm and allowed me another hour of sleep *cue for evil laughter*, fought the urge to lie back down, won, and started scanning through the pile of newspapers on the dining table.

I think I managed to cover all the news from September in all copies of The S.T., Newpaper and Today. You can imagine the size of the stack! I caught some rather interesting information on upcoming art exhibitions and other general events. I had all interesting articles cut out, as usual. It’s always nice to look back and read up on interesting bits. =)

Is it just me or are the newspapers paying more attention to the local art scene? It hasn’t always been like that. And mooncake advertisements are on a rampage, not that I mind because they’re all really pretty. Too pretty to eat I tell you! From baked or snowskin to birdsnest mooncakes… people should start selling their intricate designer mooncakes for higher prices and make sure they never decompose. I would be a fan! =)

Went over to Serene’s and bought Macs to satisfy baober’s craving. Bought sticky buns and a raisin croissant from S.B. too. Yum! =) If I had more money on me, I would have gotten some Italian food from Gas. or Japanese food for us. And it’s so near. Haha, I’m always spending so much money on good expensive food all over singapore/stuffing you that I think it’s the main reason why I’m broke before half the month’s over, and Pa’s always too nice about it. /_\ Ah well. Save! I already am saving, but I shall learn to save more and spend wisely. =)

Baober was late for our movie!!! Haha alright, I’m joking. You were right on time. And like you said, if you needed to, you’d fly here… your sense of humour is so absurd hahaha. One day I’ll grow my own wings and not be late ever again. ^^

Bought more food from 711 and sneaked the whole package into the theatre. As usual, the guilt sinks in right at the moment you tear open the paper bag and it grows with each portion you toss into your mouth but it goes away eventually when you 1. realize someone else is doing it as well, 2. someone else is doing something much more irritating (smsing/calling), 3. no one’s really affected by the smells or sounds because hey they’re laughing along with you! =D Heh, and that’s Pa’s theory to why you needn’t be too bothered about sneaking food into cinemas. So DEAL. ^^

Yayyee. *Bounces*

Cine reminded us of my toe injury. So baober was glad we took the lift when we were wondering around. =)

After the movie, I suggested we eat more and as there was nothing new to eat in Cine, I suggested we go to PS but baober didn’t want to go anywhere far from Somerset (lazy!!!) and decided we should eat some place close, and chose Quiznos sub over Botak Jones, which was the … right choice! because I was craving toasted bread. “Mmmm… toasty!” – Quiznos hahaha that’s lame. =)

At OC, we ordered the last two toppings that completed our tasting of every single sandwich and soup flavour from the Quiznos menu hurrah!!! *Burps with utmost satisfaction* But I felt that strange sadness again, when the excitement dies down and you know you will be eating a flavour/topping you tried the second time and it might not taste as good as it did the first time though it might be the same. There’s always something special about the first time I guess… ah well!

Bring me to Botak Jones soon please, love? =D *pats unsatisfied stomach*

After that, we browsed nearly all the shops in OC from B1 to level 7, had fun visiting clothing/dress shops where I spotted so many great things(with much embarrassment and uncomfortable feelings heeheehee), pointing out famous restaurants with potential and found out rather special things around the mall that were new and previously still secret until today. I love some of the architecture inside, haha I think it’s pretty gorgeous, and would love to have bits of it in my future home. =)

While we were playing on the long escalators that take you like 3 floors higher time outside the mall, baober started to get afraid… of looking down. Wahaha! ^^ It was the first time we took the highest/last one up. And I remember saying in utmost disbelief “If you can’t stand this then how come you like riding rollercoasters?”, all the while pointing downwards and willing his eyes to look down. Turns out it’s the seat that  keeps him feeling secure, and too much space is just threatening. =) But I am here, so not to worry, I will be your protector. =) Haha, what the hell. So adorable. ^^

Later on, after we felt tired and were ready to go home, we walked out of the mall and in my state of confusion while reaching to touch an object that was in a store but looked like it was displayed in the open, I walked into the glass wall in front of it and squashed my nose, BAD. It hurt, BAD. I started to cry and cry and WAAAAAA and I remember baober going ‘aiyo aiyoooo’ and ‘poor thing’ again and again /_\ while I was crying into his shirt and then we started to laugh hahaha it was really so silly of me to do something so embarrassing! And my nose still hurts! =(

I allowed baober to take care of me and my nose on the way back home. It was nice, for my nose to have like a protector and thankyou for being so gentle and sensitive with me and my crushed ego/nose. =) Haha, honestly it made me cry more when you were comforting me…

The day ended with me giving baober a bottle of birds nest drink, us talking, baober’s singing and my constant complaints of my aching nose. Thinking back to the event just makes me smile now, and it also makes me feel warm. (:

School in a few hours. All I’m thinking about is you in a few hours. Lo lo lo lo lo~ =)

Eternal sunshine

you darling, you
are the reason I can float so far in my dreams
bada bada ba~

and I won’t change
the life I had when I was young
because I was so in love
with darling, you
bada bada ba~

yes darling, you

*

There are certain things that I don’t think I can ever put aside and just ‘get over’. It’s not supposed to be that easy, I know, but I’m not even making it any easier for myself to start with, so I guess I’ll just have to bear with the emotions. =(

I’m most thankful that I’m not in this alone, and I realize that it’s in times like these that you have to keep your friends, family and loved ones close, real close, and we’ll tide over it together.

*

Watched Inglourious Basterds (what spelling! hahaha) the other day and all I can say is that the sadistic humour is so strong, that I laughed at the face of death!!!  Horrible =(, it made me feel so bad/glad at the same time. I mean, you’re not suppose to enjoy watching people die, right?!

Baober was really enjoying himself in the movie, constantly telling me that it’s the best movie he’s watched and professing his love for members of the team. Well, you can’t stop a guy from guns and war can you…

so you join in >=D

Haha oh man don’t tell me you’re smiling as you’re reading this! T_T

*

Art clean up today!

Everything was kind of robotic, all of us simply fell into random self-appointed roles and scrubbed, mopped, wiped… Mrs Toh’s duty roster didn’t come to use at all ahaha =), not that it bothered her that we were all so active, of course.

I realize that cleaning in the art room is rather therapeutic, and I have a love-hate relationship with it. Sometimes I sink into my head and run through all sorts of thoughts and ideas, other times I’m just so … dazed, it’s as though I’m a cleaning robot that only registers the presence of dirt. I enjoy both experiences though. The part that I don’t like is where I start to feel tired and the rapid standing and squatting movements make my head feel really dizzy. I felt like I could collapse any minute.

But I really enjoyed cleaning with friends. There is a silence while cleaning that I think might just bring two people together. Funny how it seems, but there is this strange chemistry bridged when we do the same thing in unison with the same understanding. I really like that, and I wonder if anyone feels the same? Hmm =)

I also enjoy it, all the time, when we just sit and chat about everything and anything about each other’s lives.

Sigh.

It’s all going to hit so close to home once we clear out our lockers and that would bring me to tears, I know… but I cannot stop it from happening eventually. All I can do is brace myself and face the music. I just wish things could end differently, that’s all. I’ve been wishing, for a long time…

*

Thought I’d share this with people who are appreciative of the most unexpected things (:

Giant mooncake for all mooncake lovers!!!

Haha I think it’s super cute, and really amazing and I was drawn to it.. -_-

=) Rawr chomp chomp chomp!

Ahaha, it’s actually made out of cushion and air. Baober and I saw it while we were looking for a shop somewhere in Bugis, and I spotted it from like a mile away (exaggeration)! =) Whee I wonder what anyone could do with a mooncake this size… just sit around at home and stuff yourself I guess!

Happy mooncake festival peepies!

o(^_^)oo(^_^)o

At peace

Since two weeks back, whenever I get worked up over something or when stress envelopes me, someone comes by and tells me ‘Jia, at peace… at peace’ or ‘cool down’ or ‘chillaxzx’ or something along those lines, and there’s never been once when I took it seriously. I take it for granted each time, because I’m too emotional, too irrational to listen, because when I’m in that state I always consider myself to be powerless.

But I’m not. And I never am. I realize that strength comes from yourself, whenever, wherever. It does not fade in the face of the devil, and it never runs out even in tiredness. It’s that rope that keeps one secured between the present, and the future, because it’s your life fuel. It overwhelms all fears, subdues all negative feelings, and eradicates insecurities, and goes beyond that.

And I think that with the right control and positive energy from my surrounding company, it has finally allowed me to find my paradise.

I am officially at peace! =)

Huuuuuum ~ o(-_-)o ~Huuuuuuum

Fun past 2 days

It’s been a pretty exciting past two days. =)

Some time in the afternoon, I slashed my toe while running up the escalator at Cine. Movie plans were cancelled because of my stupidity ahaha -_- and I caused my baober to worry and get angry at my carelessness. I also left a pool of blood in the lift..

Oh, and I cried. T_T

After treating the wound and having dinner at his place, baober came home with me! ^^ wahaha. I felt like such a kidnapper. Or a pignapper, haha as I would prefer… We had macs for supper. Erm. =D

Baober discovered some michael Jordan DVDs that pa got some time back. We watched a bit of tv before he played the movie. It was really late and I remember being so drowsy, and everytime he caught sight of my wound he’d just frown and sulk and feel so helpless about it. I felt so sorry. O_O

I remember falling asleep on my self constructed bed of large sofa pillows next to baober’s sofa bed and woke up first to wash up. Then, we kind of switched and I went back to sleep as he went to wash up… then we headed to macs for breakfast! Aww maaan! Not macs again… whatever la

After b-b-baober left, I went on two shopping trips to get more items for the bbq in the evening. My toe was killing me slowly…

People started to stream in at around 5-6pm to help out. It was nice. (: There was like a group helping to set up the pit next to the pool and another in the kitchen juggling potatoes (honest!)/cooking. Then we had people to start the fire and bring food outside and it just started rather nicely (:

I kept worrying that there was going to be insufficient food but I was wrong! I felt really thankful that many people liked the food! cause I decided to use my own recipes this time round and prepared everything from scratch, more or less, so this means alot to me. (: And I can say that I know how to marinade bbq food now, whee! (: That’s one more achievement …

Then the pool was utilized. xD

And Mrs Toh came! And so did Axel hehehe…

After the fire got too weak and we were all tired and full, we cleaned up, and I’m sooo happy (you have no idea) that everyone helped to wash and clean and then we had ice cream together in the living room. Felt like a big happy family of greedy pigs, I tell you. (:

Then some left, and some stayed… til the morning. Well thank goodness I have like four sleeping bags at home and loads of space and comfortable pillows! And My Tutor Friend was funny =) while Sunshine Cleaning was sad… It was still a nice experience. I was feeding off left overs from the bbq through the night and in the morning. My goodness. =)

And then everyone left one by one, and after the house got nice and clean again with mum’s help, I slept for a good two hours before getting up to cook dear something yummy, and here I am now. (:

Delivery service is on the way, my love. (: and yay for art class and friends

For those who missed out for whatever reason, I’ll make sure there’ll be another time, promise!

AML

Couldn’t really sleep yesterday. Everything in my head was a mess. Maybe it’ll be better to clear things out of my life and move on now that we’ve submitted our works. I really do feel like the big rock on my shoulders has disintegrated into nothing, but I don’t feel any lighter.

Art was everything, took up all my time, energy and sleep. And it still feels like everything was a dream, but I can’t understand it. Cannot get over anything – the adrenaline or the excitement or the emotional  rollercoaster. The hugs, the sweet words of encouragement, the laughter, and the pain. So much pain, but more for you than for me, but why am I still hurting? I can’t celebrate. Not yet. There’s still so much..  I need time.

I remember so many things. All of us. Our seniors, who always got food for us all the time. The hours just rolling by so quickly in each other’s company. The flies we invited into our space because of our love for food. What a greedy batch of artists, I must say, and what generous parents. The funny videos on youtube, the laughing in unison, the funny dances and hyper moments. The quarrels and fowl moods and pmsy behaviours. The sleep overs in school, such short sessions of sleep and bad bed hair. Or the complete lack of sleep, and it’s drastic effect on everything. The bathing (or not). The stress, oh gosh, and the team work and generosity. The quiet heart to heart moments. The rush, the adrenaline, the crazy crazy madness. The panic. The helplessness. The encouragement, support, disappointment, and the numbness.

There’s still so much more.

And prelim? What prelims? For others it was life or death, but it was just dead to me. For a whole week or two we were not normal students, just stunned teachers all the time, people talked about us like we’re aliens or super AP (well what’s wrong with you guys when you don’t know what’s really going on?!), but hell it was brilliant. It was all for the final piece, it felt pretty scary, but damn it felt like you had a purpose to attend to, that was so much more important, and it really was. You can’t understand it unless you’ve been through it… that’s all I can say.

The last day passed like a blur. A big mad blur. A few hours of sleep, a good, kind-hearted friend, laughter, quietness, stress, disappointment, exhaustion. I can honestly say that I worked til exhaustion. I was so stressed that I felt like vomiting most of the time.

Ah, but it’s over. And we’ve made it. All of us, satisfied or not, have made it til the end. And it’s strange because this feels like the beginning of something I will never let go and keep for a long time, hiding deep inside. It will never leave me, this feeling, because it has pushed itself into me forcefully. I’m changed. I feel different. I don’t feel free (yet), but I will, soon enough.

And I will bask in this feeling, because it’s all I am right now.

5 – 10pm

I remember it to be like that:

No not yet oh my goodness it can’t be happening yet what the hell it’s too soon i thought i had more time (mrs toh you were right about everything) i’m dead oh no rush rush rush quick now it is life or death and i want life please and silently pleading for everything to be different..

you breathe after a while, then you look around, and

oh my goodness are you okay? are you alright? can you breathe? BREATHE breathe don’t stop! Catch me yes I’m catching you we can do it we can we have we’re doing it please don’t give up please don’t give up on us thank you so much thank you so much thank you we need to catch more people now

and then it became more like

okay… slowly… just… slowly.. steadily..we’re making it…

And then i just felt like crying. I just wanted to tear everything up and devour  myself in tears. That was it. Not alone, but with everyone (though the boys won’t like it I guess), just crumbling together all at once. Scream. Throw something. Be violent. Exert all this negative energy and faint, wake up and hope everything is different, but no no no I’m forced to stay in the present, forced to pretend that things are okay – until he breaks the news and I just curse inside again and again.

and then he said ‘… yourselves, please.’

It was everything for yourself, not for anyone. It’s for yourself, it’s for respect, it’s for??? Does it matter? Yes it does. It does! Of course, right?  Oh no, please just change this for me and for everyone now now now change it why is things so messed up? why?

Then we sink into quietness. Wishing maybe, or wondering perhaps why things had to turn out like that. And then my autobot takes over, and I go on to cleaning, sweeping away everything in the way, taking everything I have left.. white washing time away.

I’m too tired to think, I just need some space.

And then I left with her, and I had a headache on the way back that continued til after that, and then while I had cup noodles in the darkness near midnight there was just one question floating about in my head…

Could I have made things different for us?

Missing you

If you’re not the one then why does
my soul feel glad today?

If you’re not the one then why does
my hand fit yours this way?

If you are not mine then why does
your heart return my call?

If you are not mine
would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you’re here with me now
We’ll make it through and I hope

you are the one
I share my life with <3

From now til the end,

I have this strange fondness of rain. The visual image is calming, soothing – fat icy globules from the high skies come pouring down to earth. The sound is pretty spectacular. Sometimes I think it sounds like voices/songs, but not like people voices (can I call it nature’s voice?).

A dose of rain is really equivalent to a night’s worth of rest for me = it’d be good if we could have more rain around here.

*
What does it feel like to be waiting your entire life? I don’t know how she feels. Probably tired, sore.. no, just tired. Love transcends all boundaries and time, and they will meet again, and it will be beautiful – I know that, but a part of me feels sad and angry.. because how can he let her wait?

This is evidence of how reading a story book isn’t just a hobby to me. It affects the way I think, behave, live, at that moment and after. I can’t help that I feel for her, can I? Every episode is real, every emotion is expressed, I can’t possibly take it for granted! So I feel it too.

It’s almost as though I live in the character, in her life and story. It’s pretty cool, but I think that I can’t possibly let my emotions be affected by books and stories too much. It becomes a nuisance to people around when it’s over the top…

Ah well. I’m picky when it comes to books, and will stop reading when I realize its not an enjoyable read/ written very insensitive etc. Have absolutely no issues with leaving a book unfinished. So I won’t read every book that’s highly recommended or popular. I tend to pick my own reads.

And so I’m off to find a new one…

*

I miss many things, but I know that in time they’ll return, the same way misplaced items magically reappear when you don’t pay close attention to them.

Or perhaps it’s just been compartmentalized into a little corner at the back of our lives, patiently waiting for an opportunity to spring and emerge. I guess it is that way, because it has never been lost, but simply kept away for the time being…

I won’t complain, and from now til the end, I will be waiting…

Magical

Most of the time when I stare blanky at you as you’re speaking, chances are that I’m looking into your eyes.

Sometimes I feel like I could fall into them and stay there forever.

So surreal

1.

On some days I wake up to a dark sky and realize it’s still night, then I will myself back to sleep. On other days I wake up to bright hot rays of sunshine streaming through slats in the blinds, and I know it’s some time near noon.

On some nights I sleep when I hear bird’s chirping.  I take it as a warning sign that it’s getting late(or early). Some nights I just don’t sleep at all.

I don’t know why.

My body clock is hard to decipher, and I think it’s taking a toll on my mental health. But I love how it’s so unpredictable. Each time it brings me some new experiences that change my life.

2.

Sleeping bunnies in a basket of cotton wool and wood fiber.

Today while courseworkin’ we arties gathered around a mac and youtubed cute/silly videos of animals. Smiled and laughed like there was no tomorrow. Will post some up soon. (:

3.

I had a flashback the other day:

My face and hands were covered in pillow/bed sheet creases, resembling a prune. My hair was a complete mess. My lips were chapped and cracking from air-conditioning and as I struggled to open those sore tired eyes, my vision focuses onto you. I look like my thirty year old self, ragged and vulnerable and …you‘rewere watching me.

‘Oh shoot’ was how I felt the first time.

Yet you saw me as ‘beautiful’, and I could barely swallow that thought, lying there in shock and disbelief. It’s unsettling to have someone who isn’t a family member witness your waking moment. They can observe your transition from sleep to life. Your cold, raw self is exposed as though naked, and all flaws shine through. Perhaps it’s because it’s so unusual that it’s a little nerve wrecking.

Then I realized over time that whenever given the opportunity to, I would do the same.

The steps are simple – get into a comfortable position quietly, watch, analyze and gradually start to breathe in unison. It’s lovely, it really is and I think it might be slightly therapeutic even. The rising and sinking of the body is calming, and though it is alluring, I am afraid to move any closer. There is a haven that you are sleeping in, a little purple bubble of dreams that if  I inch any closer towards, might disintegrate and stir you. You look beautiful.

And having understood the way you must have felt, I grow accustomed to it each time, and made a promise to myself that I won’t take it for granted, ever. That it is a gift that it is mutual, that it is unforced and entirely natural. And that is what makes it so special and a tad romantic. Something I wouldn’t trade anything with.

Some say it’s silly to write about things which mean so much or  just ‘can’t’ and ’shouldn’t’ be expressed in words – it supposedly takes away the spark and sincerity. But I say that’s just bull, because what’s going to change a feeling? Think about it. If it’s real, it’ll stay.

Til the next time, my love, til the next …